Category: The Life of Lara

It’s all here. Adventures in extreme knitting, the house of poop, and suburban permaculture. You may also find rants about politics, ecology, humanitarianism, responsible living, toe floss, and other topics not covered here. Expect profanity and irreverence. You have been warned.

Spending a year dead for tax purposes

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Unlike Hotblack Desiato, who spends a year as a corpse in a tax evasion scam, I am spending a year week five days in Tresillian, in order to prove that I am not an incompetent parent.

There are two groupings of slow weight gain (also called failure to thrive). Organic reasons include metabolism issues, asthma, and an undiagnosed infection, for example, a urinary tract infection.

Non Organic reasons include neglect and abuse. Apparently our Tresillian referral states that the paed is investigating an organic explanation. Thank FSM. But even though we’re looking for an organic cause, non organic causes still need to be ruled out. That’s just common sense.

My darling friend Josephine came to spend the day with me today, to stop me falling into a vat of self pity (they are lying around everywhere), and then Inigo and I went to visit the Auburn Botanic Gardens. We had a chat with a black faced wallaby, saw peacocks (and BABY peacocks, too cute!), and this very regal swan came to greet us as we wandered near the lake.

I was fairly reeking with serenity by the time I got home.

Until the phone rang. The paediatrician rang to tell me the results of the latest urine test. Looks like the sprog has a bladder infection.

Proof of life

There has been some knitting. Nothing complicated, nothing interesting, but I wanted to prove that I do still knit. A little.

Here is Oscar in his pram blankie and beanie set, knitted years ago when I was off work recovering from my collapsed disk. It is knitted in Bendigo Harmony which, sadly, looks like it has been discontinued. I love this stuff, a wool cotton blend with a little lycra, it is lovely and soft to knit with, sproingy, and great against the skin. It always had a pathetic colour range, but it’s been shrinking for the last couple of years, and now seems to be disappearing all together.

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And here we have Ella, Inigo’s cousin wearing her new winter hat. It’s based on the Umbilical Cord Hat from Stitch ‘n Bitch, but made a little larger to fit for a little longer. The yarn is bamboo cotton from Spotlight – exactly one ball with about 30cm to spare!

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And soon here is Inigo in his new bootees. Cecelia made three pairs of “Christine’s Baby Booties” for Inigo, which have been fantastic. They are the only footwear that reliably stay on his feet, but he is growing out of them, so the time came to make some in a larger size.

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The yarn is Stella, 100% bamboo, and has a lovely sheen and drape. I’ve held it double and knit on 4mm needles to make a larger bootie using the same pattern (it calls for a “fingering weight” yarn).

Tresillian will be calling me tomorrow for an admission interview. Apparently they expect me to tell them what I expect to get out of the Tresillian experience. Give me strength.

Yesterday I went to the Inner West mothers group that Miriam goes to. Needed to get out of the house to preserve sanity and escape rising hysteria. Being around so many healthy, normal babies was really hard, and I nearly cracked when one mother said to me, “I’d be really worried if that was my baby”. Apparently it isn’t obvious to the casual observer that I am consumed with fear, bleeding terror from every pore, and only barely managing to breathe through each new day that brings no news.

But on a lighter note…

Yesterday the child exploded. There was such a tidal wave of poo that it gushed out of the nappy, down the trousers, and welled into the top of the new booties. So I gave up on the modern cloth nappies for now, his thighs are too thin to plug the leg holes in the nappies. So it’s cloth terry at home, and huggies newborn for outings. Unless I want to buy a whole lot of newborn sized modern cloth nappies, this will have to do. I do feel like a bit of a failure, but right now I have other battles to fight.

Five Months Old

The perfect age for his first visit to the TAB.

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After my appointment with the nutritionist yesterday, I met up with Dad and Alex. Dad just happened to be at the TAB, so in we went.

Apparently my diet is pretty good. I was told to always have some juice when I have iron rich plant foods, as the vitamin C helps to metabolise the iron, and to try not to skip breakfast, no matter how difficult the infabeast is.

That’s one more thing to check off the list of possible reasons that my child is so thin.

Have spoken to Tresillian “centralised intake”, am now waiting for a cancellation.

On Monday he weighed 5.11kg, and while we were in the bath before the appointment with Dr McVeagh, INIGO REACHED OUT AND GRABBED THE RUBBER DUCKIE!!!!

I then made him repeat the feat a few times to make sure I wasn’t delusional. It’s the one thing we’ve been worried about with his development, despite the fact that he is a virtuoso of two handed dummy tricks…

Another visit with the paediatrician

Saw the Pead today, she’s booking us in for a residential at Tresillian so they can do a further “examination” of his feeding and sleep routine. They probably want to make sure I am feeding him! So I will call up tomorrow and wait for a cancellation – and then we’ll have to be on standby to go at a moment’s notice. At least this time we’ll be going to Willoughby – not back to Nepean! I hope the food there is a little better, but at least this time it’s only for 24 hours (or so they say now!).

Tomorrow morning we are going to see the nutritionist, and then I have to get a urine sample from the boy to a pathologist. We have already done two urine samples, but both were contaminated, so now we have to do a “clean catch” – which means holding a cup under the bits until he pees! It took Mark and I nearly an hour to do, but we got it – I just hope it’s “clean”!

Basically, it’s about 9 weeks since the boy has put on any real weight. The paed said today that it’s not normal, and we’re continuing investigations….

And yes, I’m worried. It doesn’t mean I have PND. It’s normal to be worried when your child doesn’t gain any weight for over two months. If I wasn’t worried, I’d be notified to DoCS, and if I worry too much I’ll be locked up in a psych ward.

I’m actually looking forward to Tresillian – at least I’ll be able to get some reassurance that I am doing my best. And hopefully we can take the next step towards diagnosis and cure, and my happy little boy will become a happy AND healthy little boy.

Tomorrow he’ll be five months old.

Skinny Baby

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As Emily noted, he did poo yesterday. Little blighter sometimes won’t poo for 10 days at a time (which is apparently perfectly normal for fully breastfed babies), and then does 3 in 24 hours. Since lunchtime yesterday, he’s done 5.

Should have weighed him before lunch.

Today it’s eight weeks since he has put on any significant amount of weight. In eight weeks he’s gone from 4.97kg up to 5.16kg, and now back down to 5.05kg.

In the picture above, he’s wearing a disposable nappy, as I was caught short at the clinic today. It’s a Huggies, newborn size.

The same size that he was put in at the hospital.

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The tabs are about an inch further apart than they were, but the fact that it still fits is a little creepy. As are his ribs, and bony spine.

On the advice of the clinic nurse, I rang the paed, and am seeing her again on monday.

In the meantime, we are going up to Pearl Beach for the weekend, and hopefully I can chill out a little.

The Mask of Motherhood

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Yesterday on Monday, I baked.

I did three loads of laundry, tidied the house, made minestrone, went shopping, and made cupcakes.

Which sounds impressive when you know I have a nearly five month old baby. Until I tell you that I had a staff of three.

Yup, one to mind the baby, one to sort out five months of mail (bills, superannuation for two people, and health fund stuff), and one to help me read the recipe and do the baking, since I am so damn sleep deprived.

Mark was home sick, so he was primary baby wrangler, Dad did the paperwork, and then Mum came over after work to help me cook my first ever batch of cupcakes. And thank god she did – apparently sleep deprivation messes with your ability to read and follow simple instructions.

I read “The Mask of Motherhood” before the boy was born, and can see that the “mask” has fallen on me a little too. Which is funny.

I never thought I would be a mother, I never thought I had “it” in me. Which I suppose made it easier for me to quit my job and live off Mark while I was so ill during the pregnancy. I felt ok about not pulling my weight financially because my physical impairment was a shared burden. And Mark absolutely supported me and my needs every single day.

But now I am a Mother. With a capital M. And I don’t feel entitled to anything.

Thank you one and all for your insightful and supportive comments. I am going to do a lot more thinking about this, maybe one day it will make sense to me.

In the meantime, I’m asking for help.

I need it.

Aaaaarrrgghhhh!!!!!!!

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The boy cries a lot. Perhaps that is why he refuses to gain weight. Still 5.06kg as at last Thursday (17/04/08).

This does my head in more than I am willing to admit publicly, but his head circumference is increasing, as is his length. Apparently his brain development is going great guns, and breast milk is the best thing for that. Still, you have to have a sense of humour.

The second urine test came back with contamination again, not sure what’s going on there.

On Wednesday, he slept for a whole hour without waking, and I sewed.

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Yes, that is a cotton chenille bib with mauve chenille rick rack trim. I even (after a false start with homosexual snaps) installed snaps that work. I am legend.

Mark looked at it and claimed it looked “like a dishrag”. I am considering a divorce.