Month: September 2010

Yesterday we clocked over to 22 weeks.

On Thursday my doctor gave me three more pathology forms, for three more out patient anti natal visits, and said Id be going in to hospital after that, which puts the date around the 18th of October. We had asked to bring forward the meeting with the neonatologists by one week, just because I feel like I need time to digest the information before having to make any big decisions. Unfortunately, my dr told me that we wouldn’t be seeing he neonatologists for another 2 weeks, a week after we were initially told it would be, and two weeks after I had wanted it.

On Friday, I had a meltdown. Two things were bugging me. That my wishes were ignored completely about seeing the neonatologist early, and that my doctor didn’t seem to have the time to talk about it with me. And that made me cranky about something else. In the three weeks since I was told that one of my babies had died, nobody from the hospital had said anything to me about counseling, or even talking to someone about how I felt. Granted, I didn’t want it at the time, and I’m not sure I want it now, but if the same thing happened to one of my loved ones, I’d want to think that there was some service offered to them. The death of a baby at such a late gestation is a big thing to most mums, and I find it quite shocking that I was just sent home with no resources at all.

So I decided to call the perinatal support team, and just mention my concerns. I wasn’t about to kick up a stink, but if there is something I feel strongly about, its using my strength to make things easier for others.

I rang the pager number that was given to me by the team leader a few weeks ago, but she was on an RDO. The call was answered by a very lovely woman, but it wasn’t Susan, and I wasn’t in a fit state to explain my case from he beginning, so I tried to ring off and say that I would call back on Monday. But she wasn’t having that and was quite insistent that she could help me, so eventually I started to tell her my story.

And I lost it. I completely broke down on the phone to this stranger. And since I haven’t cried for a long, long time, I just couldn’t stop the tears from coming. Eventually I explained about the NICU visit, and she promised to arrange it for me, but I just had to get off the phone quickly, and I’ll deal with the other issue later.

Quite honestly, this situation is taking a toll. Each day seems harder than the one before, and every hospital visit seems like an unbearable force bearing down on me, its almost all I can do to put one foot in front of the other to get myself through the front door. Previously, I’ve been able to stumble through it all with a smile on my face, and to crack jokes, and see he lighter side (though how, I am not so sure).

And from now on, its only going to get harder. As this baby gets closer to viability, the stakes get higher every day. And now that we know we have a little boy, its hard not to think of names, to think of the future, to think about what a lovely big brother this baby is going to have. But still, that future is as tenuous as ever, and despite being 7 weeks into the journey, the end of the road seems further away than ever.

Had the scan this morning (still waiting to see the doctor afterward). Growth is ahead of dates, heart is fine, everything is good – except the amniotic fluid levels. Normal AFI is about 15, mine was 1.7.

And it looks like we have another penis!

Since all this began, Ive been taking my temperature 4 times a day, and had instructions to trot myself off to hospital if it went above 37.5.

So on Tuesday afternoon, I started to feel a bit headachy, perhaps like I was getting a cold, and my temp went up to 37.6. I decided not to panic, and kept monitoring it for the next hour or so until Mark got home (Inigo was having a sleepover with Nanna and Gonad). When Mark came home, my temp was still 37.6, so I rang the hospital early pregnancy clinic, who told me to ring labour and delivery ward, and they told me to come in, but to have dinner first.

So after dinner and a shower, Mark drove me in to the hospital, where we promptly got lost. And while wandering around near the intensive care ward, we found my specialist who was on her way home, and had varied from her usual route, to meet up with us quite fortuitously. She personally guided us to the right place, and briefed the midwife in charge about my case.

Long story short, they werent worried too much about my temp, it was stable, so they sent me home with some anti-biotics (2 days before I was going to go on them anyway, I am doing one week on, three weeks off until the baby is born). But due to a few babies needing caesarians while we were there, it was almost 2am before we were able to leave the hospital.

Not a very exciting story, but I realise that people do tend to freak when they see the H word in a post 🙂

Todays visit was pretty routine, no visit to the vampires because they took blood on Tuesday night, and mum came with me, so she got to meet my lovely doctor.

And next week is my 20ish week scan.

A delivery man brought this gorgeous box of handmade and single origin chocolate this morning. Just the thing to wake up to after a night in hospital.

Thanks Tina, I shall be toasting your good health for days!

Most people around this stage of pregnancy have a morphology scan, to check the babies development and that everything is on track.

Since I have very little amniotic fluid, which makes it very hard to see the baby in any detail, my scan has been delayed until I am about 23 weeks. Which means we wont have any idea about gender at least until then, and possibly not even then.

Which is driving me batshit crazy, of course, but that is the least of my worries 🙂

Will report back after the 23rd of September.