Category: The Life of Lara

I have a fever, chills, nausea and bad pain. Another 48 hrs of IV anti biotics at least.

Today we finally found out that our other baby was also a boy.

When my mum was two years old, her mum (my grandmother, Rita), gave birth to a baby boy with a hole in his heart. These days there is a relatively simple surgery to correct the problem, and babies born with this condition live perfectly normal lives. But back then, it was a death sentence, and Nanna wasnt even allowed to meet her baby boy. He lived for ten days.

Nanna called him Michael, and even though she went on to have two more children, she was never the same.

To honor Nanna, and the appalling way she was treated, our other baby will be called Aubrey Michael.

Ill probably be released from hospital tomorrow (assuming they are happy with the new pain meeds they are giving me), and we are meeting with the funeral directors on Wednesday to discuss arrangements, so it will probably be a few days before we have all the details ironed out.

Nannas experience of infant loss was awful, and I am motivated by her experience to make sure that our family has a much better experience. Weve got a grief counsellor lined up, weve got some materials to help Inigo through navigating the funeral and related dramas. And we have made a commitment that we will answer all of Inigos questions as directly and openly as we possibly can. And part of that is talking about these babies. We wont be pretending nothing happened, and we wont be pretending that everything is ok.

As our friends and family, you can help us by talking about the babies. Ask questions, say their names, keep them alive in our hearts. Its very hard to deal with such an impossible burden of grief and loss, and it can be very hard to know what is the right thing to say – so many people say nothing. Please dont worry about saying the wrong thing, the only wrong thing is to say nothing.

Archie and Aubrey will always be a part of our family, and I am amazed at how many lives they have touched already.

In time I will get around to posting more about their birth, and the medical details of what happened, and I will post funeral details as soon as they are finalised.

And once more I would like to thank everyone, friends, family, and even perfect strangers who have reached out to us in these past few days. I feel very loved at this bleak and desperate time.

Mark and Lara pleased to announce the birth of their second beautiful son, and deeply saddened to share the news of his death.

Archimedes Hare Nettle. Born 5/11/10 at 10:59pm, died 6/11/10 7am. We had eight hours of hope, and a very special morning saying goodbye. Inigo has met his little brother, and on hearing of his death said, we’ll have to get another baby. Ah, the simple innocence of youth.

Thank you for all of your warm messages of support for our little family, that seems even smaller today.

Thanks to Fi for taking the time to help us celebrate and commemorate our beautiful baby’s too short life.

Little one was born by c/s just before midnight. He has very little lung tissue and an infection. Doctors dont expect him to make it through the night. I have just come out of recovery and am waiting to see him for the first time.

Off to labour and delivery. I have a fever, and baby is transverse, so Ill probably have another caesar. 27w, 6d.

Wish us luck.

Throughout this journey I have been communicating with a PPROM mum in the US who was about a week ahead of me in gestation, and a week behind me in rupture – she ruptured at about 14 weeks (15 weeks for us), and all through her pregnancy she was given the same dire predictions as we have had. All along she has been advised to terminate, and had to fight to get decent care for her and her baby. She has not had enough amniotic fluid to measure in any of her scans, and all along she remained positive and upbeat, and has been an amazing role model for others of us on this rough ride.

And this morning I woke up to the news that she has had her baby, and he is doing well. Hes probably in NICU, and will be for a while, but the fact that he is able to breathe at all, with no measurable fluid for the critical weeks of lung development is such an inspiration to me.

Yay K!

27 weeks today, and no real news to report. Im having my blood pressure, pulse, oxygen saturation and temperature taken three times a day, pulse and temp another two times, pads checked, blood tests twice a week, urine checked once a week, and ultrasounds every two weeks. Babys heartbeat is checked every day, and I have to count kicks until I count 10 each day.

Apart from that (and a strange fascination with my bowel movements), everything is pretty quiet, and I am having enough visitors to help the days pass and make me feel quite loved.

Just a note in case you are considering a visit – visiting hours (for my ward) are 8am to 8pm, but from about midday to 3pm it can be very difficult to get a park in the hospital car park, so if you can, plan your trip to aid that time. The car park costs $8, and it only takes coins, which you have to pay on the way in (no credit cards, and nowhere to park while you check under the seat for spare change).

And I am in Westmead Hospital (not Royal North Shore). Take the Westmead Hospital exit from the M4 and follow the signs, or take the train to Westmead Station and walk about 500m to the hospital.

And today marks 3 months of captivity. Twelve whole weeks since I ruptured my membranes, 92 days of bed rest, and over 8 weeks since we last had any terrible news 🙂

Yesterday, my lovely nurse brought me a new bed – an electric jobbie with a remote control, and a slightly better mattress, and last night I slept enough for the first time. They did evening obs early, and morning obs late, so I was able to get a full 8 hours sleep, and wake up before the banging and yelling started. Bliss.

I am about to have my last blood sugar test, which will hopefully clear me of gestational diabetes, and I can relax and eat a normal diet again. Well, as normal as it can be on hospital food.

Mark brought Inigo in last night for a movie night, we all had dinner together and then Inigo snuggled up with me and we all watched Shrek. It was bliss to have such a long cuddle with my boy, and to spend such a long time with both my boys.

I am not expecting any visitors today (apart from my boys), so I think Ill get started on my Percy Shawl (have a look on M-Hs blog for the beautiful one Sandra knit) – Ive been saving it up for a rainy day 🙂

After my first 24 hours in hospital, Im exhausted. But in a good way.

I have seen the two resident doctors, and my specialist. Apparently they arent going to start CTG (monitoring the babys heartbeat) until 28 weeks, and they arent intending to give me steroids. Which all makes me wonder about what the hell I am doing here, costing the public health system about $1000 a day. But who am I to ask?

I have seen the head of the perinatal support team, and the social worker. I have seen the pharmacist, and am starting to get to know my team of nurses. I have become aware of the fact that the helipad is just above my room, which becomes patently obvious when they deep off a sick person, which has happened (very loudly) about three times today.

I’ve had a growth scan, which showed that the fetoid is above the 97th percentile for weight, and on the 97th percentile for head circumference. Looks like we are keeping that in the family 🙂

The scan gave me a bit of a rush, I was all excited that growth was going well (inter uterine growth retardation is often a problem with pprom babies), so I was bummed when my doctor came in to say she suspects I have gestational diabetes (which I have posted about before, but am too lazy to link here), and that I have to do a 24 hour sugar test, with finger pricks before and after every meal for 24 hours. And those mothers HURT. I say that as someone who used to be needle phobic, but got over it with regular blood donations, and having a blood test a week for the past few months has killed off any remaining nerves around the veins in my left arm…

The food is, unsurprisingly, execrable.

Exhibit A, Tomato omlette with green beans, pasta, and cabbage. Yes, boiled cabbage.

I have a lovely view of the car park (if you’re coming to visit call ahead and I can tell you if there are any spots), and I have unpacked my clothes, brought in flowers, put up pictures, and installed my essential electronics and an extension board to power them all.

And Id love more visitors! Not all at once, but if I am here for as long as I hope I will be, I will need visitors over a very long period, so dont all rush at once! I am in the Womens Health Ward, level 4, Bed 10.

And a note to anyone that has had trouble commenting – you may get an error message, but your comments still seem to get through, just ignore it. Tech support has more pressing issues to deal with at the moment. Like the fact that Squishy wants to call his brother Cowbell.

And yes. I do know the difference between median and average. To suggest otherwise is just plain mean 😉

They have a bed. Just finishing lunch, and Im heading in.