The Mask of Motherhood

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Yesterday on Monday, I baked.

I did three loads of laundry, tidied the house, made minestrone, went shopping, and made cupcakes.

Which sounds impressive when you know I have a nearly five month old baby. Until I tell you that I had a staff of three.

Yup, one to mind the baby, one to sort out five months of mail (bills, superannuation for two people, and health fund stuff), and one to help me read the recipe and do the baking, since I am so damn sleep deprived.

Mark was home sick, so he was primary baby wrangler, Dad did the paperwork, and then Mum came over after work to help me cook my first ever batch of cupcakes. And thank god she did – apparently sleep deprivation messes with your ability to read and follow simple instructions.

I read “The Mask of Motherhood” before the boy was born, and can see that the “mask” has fallen on me a little too. Which is funny.

I never thought I would be a mother, I never thought I had “it” in me. Which I suppose made it easier for me to quit my job and live off Mark while I was so ill during the pregnancy. I felt ok about not pulling my weight financially because my physical impairment was a shared burden. And Mark absolutely supported me and my needs every single day.

But now I am a Mother. With a capital M. And I don’t feel entitled to anything.

Thank you one and all for your insightful and supportive comments. I am going to do a lot more thinking about this, maybe one day it will make sense to me.

In the meantime, I’m asking for help.

I need it.

Apparently, I’m just rude

Somebody who I think is very polite just pissed off about 150 people by politely posting an opinion on a parenting message board. I hate the name “Hunter” too, and I’d feel physically ill if I meet a poor defenceless baby that was saddled with the name. But I was surprised at the venom directed at this very polite person.

So I suppose I am risking a little vitriol by posting this…

But it is funny 😉

Sorry

Today Kevin Rudd did a good thing. I was going to call it a wonderful thing, but really, it’s just the right thing. And the fact that we had to wait until 2008 for an apology is outrageous. But he did it, and he did it well. And my opinion of him as a man has been raised, I feel proud to call myself an Australian again, after years of shame under the Howard government.

But who the hell is Brendan Nelson to bang on about the first fleet, and how ALL Australians have contributed to our nation. Today is not the day Dr Nelson. And mentioning that “good was meant to be done” is bullshit, it diminishes the impact of what needs to be said.

So I shouldn’t be surprised that these words are coming from the man who said yesterday that if Kevin Rudd wanted to negotiate the terms of the apology, he should be talking to him, as the most important person.

He says that compensation should not be given, and then talks about sexual abuse of Aboriginal children, without taking responsibility for the breakdown of culture which caused this issue. He wants to create another stolen generation in the name of protection.

I am not an expert in Aboriginal issues – I am actually pretty ignorant. Which is disgraceful, as the area in which I grew had a proud Aboriginal history. Yet, I was nearly 20 when I met an indigenous Australian for the first time.

I have travelled to New Zealand, and though most Kiwi’s wouldn’t necessarily think that they have got the issue 100% right, they have a much better grip on fair and equitable treatment. We have a lot to learn, and a long way to go. And accepting that white Australia has stuffed up is the important first step to fixing it.

Sorry

We’re a little broke right now, so I won’t be buying one of these to wear next week when our PM says sorry.

But you should.

And on a side note – this article discusses the increase in animal abuse prosecutions in the US – by my friend Michelle! Rock on Michelle!

Today Inigo weighed in at 4.75kg, and Oscar at 7.1kg. Woo hoo! When he had his shots last week, the doctor said Inigo was “underweight”, but his paediatrician (the one that oversaw his care in hospital) said on Tuesday that he is “thriving”. Apparently, the NSW Department of Health uses outdated growth charts that were calculated for bottle fed babies (who tend to be bigger). The World Health Organisation just published new charts for breastfed babies, but we’re still using the old ones. According to the old charts, Inigo is in the 10th percentile (bottom 10% for weight), but the WHO chart puts him a little higher. Not a huge difference, but it makes me feel better!

Why cloth?

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Inigo wearing a flannelette nappy with a scottish fold, and a bespoke polarfleece cover by Whizz Kidz.

Ok, so it’s falling off in this picture, but if you do the nappy cover up properly, they stay on, and hardly ever leak – even when the poop is explosive.  When we have used disposables, there have been incidents.  I won’t go into detail.

Before Inigo was born, I did quite a bit of research into Disposable Vs. Cloth nappies (diapers for those of you in the US).  Media reports quote a study that found that cloth nappies had THE SAME environmental impact as disposable nappies, and tend to encourage the use of disposables.  Which seemed odd to me.

I know that growing and processing cotton is hugely wasteful, but to me it seemed almost impossible that a disposable product could be as environmentally responsible as a reusable product – it just didn’t make sense.  The only edge that was conceded to cloth nappies was in using a nappy service – apparently the economies of scale involved mean that cloth nappies get the edge in that circumstance.

So I kept looking, and eventually found “The Australian Nappy Network” and Oz Cloth Nappies, both advocacy groups for using cloth.  It turns out the study that is widely quoted starts off with a few dodgy premises.  And we all know that good science requires good foundations, right?

Firstly, they assumed that a baby would go through 4-6 disposables in a day, not 6-8, which is more realistic (at least for a baby, older kids may differ).  They also assumed that cloth nappies would only be used 150 times before they are discarded – they didn’t consider that cloth nappies can have lifecycles up to 800 uses, they can be passed down to younger children, passed on to friends, and even repurposed as household rags (I use old cloth nappies to clean the bunny houses).  They also assumed that cloth nappies would be laundered using the most ridiculously wasteful laundry methods, including ironing the nappies after they come out of the dryer!

Most cloth nappy users don’t use nappysan, many wash in cold water, and only HALF the normal amount of detergent is recommended (especially for babies with sensitive skin).  No antibacterial or bleach products are needed if you can line dry – UV light is an excellent stain buster, and kills any nasties hanging around.  If you follow these washing guidelines, and have a washing machine with a water level sensor (so you never use more water than you need for the cycle), then it makes sense that you’re doing the right thing by the environment by using cloth nappies on your child.

And if you can find nappies made out of an alternative to cotton, the difference is even bigger.  Hemp and bamboo are both excellent nappy materials, bamboo is far more absorbent than cotton, and far less wasteful to produce.  Put it all together, and using cloth nappies is a no brainer.

Of course, there is all the extra work to consider…

Which I don’t – since having the baby I have had to wash every day anyway, and an extra load every two days is no big deal.  I fold nappies (or often Mark does it) in front of the TV, and it’s as relaxing as knitting  😉

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Inigo in his first cloth nappy – moments after getting out of NICU.

And it looks so much cuter than disposables!

Check out this article for a more detailed critique of the study.

P.S. – Terry nappies are very “old school” right now. The funky babies are all wearing “Modern Cloth Nappies”, which are tailored like a disposable, and look really groovy. You can see Inigo wearing a modern cloth nappy here, and here.

Welcome Oscar George Lane!

Born sometime today, 3.2kg, Miriam and Oscar both doing well. No other details available at this point. I am absolutely dying to see a picture at least, but I respect their desire for some time without visitors. I am sure I’ll get to spend plenty of quality time with all the Lanes in the not too distant future.

I’ve been having contractions all day, some coinciding with actual pain, but nothing to get excited about. Went to pub knitting, and am glad I did – sitting around at home focussing on my belly would quickly drive me insane. Thinking that Inigo is considering making an appearance over the next couple of days, but he doesn’t seem to be in any hurry.

Saw Kerry today, and she looks happier and more relaxed than I have seen her in months. It looks like the final senate seat will go to the liberal candidate, and Kerry will be free to pursue other interests after the middle of the year. Like being an Auntie!

Am also close to making a decision about the camera. Harvey Norman has the Canon 400D body with 18-55mm, and 75-300mm lens for $1188. I played with Andrew’s 350D today, and it is a very nice camera. It also handles low light really well, and has a good, cheap portrait lens available. Of course, if I have an ugly baby, I won’t need such a good camera….

Due

Yesterday I had my 40 week checkup. Inigo was head down again (he has been doing somersaults through the week, but I had decided not to let it stress me), but is no longer “engaged”. They are happy for me to keep pottering along until next friday, when I will have another checkup, and then see the Drs clinic to talk about possible induction. Not sure how long I will get before they induce, but the fact that we don’t even talk about it till 41 weeks is encouraging. I’ve done some reading about induction, and my feeling is that going into spontaneous labour sounds like much more fun. Well, not exactly fun, but you get the idea.

After seeing the midwives, I went into town to hang out with Miriam, who was 4 days overdue yesterday. I took her to an acupuncture appointment (with the hope of bringing on labour), and then we had pedicures. So at least when we can see our toes again, they will be pretty (and hopefully not puffy). Miriam is booked in to the birth centre at RPA, and will be induced on monday or tuesday if she doesn’t go into labour over the weekend. So any spare “go into labour vibes” would be handy for her this weekend. Either way, looks like we’ll get to meet Oscar sooner rather than later (and I’ll win the race for last).

And on Monday, there is a new Kylie Minogue album out. Woo Hoo!

Today is election day, and hopefully the end of the Howard Years. Remember to vote Green in the Senate, and we might just wrest the balance of power from the coalition – so that the Labour party can actually pass legislation if they get in.

I’m off to do a bit of housework, then drag my bloated carcass off to a polling both to try to get the voters of Berowra to vote Green in the Senate. It’s Phillip Ruddock’s electorate (and one of the safest Liberal seats in the country, but I will do what I can…

My democratic duty has been exercised

And I didn’t put the Liberals last. In the past week, the Christian Democrats put a flyer in my letterbox, advertising that they are against Islamic immigration and gay rights. Apparently, Fred Nile is Worse than John Howard. Who’d a thunk it?

I have visited the nephew, who gave me a big grin as soon as he saw me, even though I haven’t seen him in a week, and have hired cleaners. They can’t start till next wednesday, so if you visit in the meantime please bear in mind that I am even less interested in housework than I am in cooking. All of my attention has been absorbed by chocolate ice cream and intimacy with the couch. And on that note…