Month: December 2010

FFS…

I believe in freedom of information, and I believe that everyone is entitled to the presumption of innocence.

That is the preface to a brief rant I am about to share about the whole wikileaks palaver.

I blame the new morning presenter on 702, who keeps alluding his opinion that Julian Assange is innocent of whatever he is being accused of in Sweden. Even though he hasn’t been accused of anything. So, yes, it isn’t fair to comment on a case until both sides have been revealed, and even then, it is possible for the truth to still be elusive – but still, you need both sides of a story to form an opinion. And the only people that have been talking publicly (that I have heard) in Australia, have been lawyers for Assange, who vociferously state that the sex was consensual, and therefore extrapolate that there can be no case to answer.

But think for a minute about consent. Just because you agree to have sex with someone with a condom, does that mean you also agree to have sex without a condom?

If you agree to sex at 1am while you are awake, does that imply consent at 5am while you are asleep?

I don’t presume to know the facts of this case, but I do think that the women making the complaint against Assange deserve the same presumption of innocence that he seems to be getting in the Australian media.

And every time you say that a rape charge “can’t be proven”, or it’s just “he said, she said”, you’re telling another victim of rape that it isn’t a good idea to report a rape. You’re telling women that the rights of a man to have sex are more important than the rights of a woman to say no.

Is that the message you want to give your daughter? Your sister? Your self?

It’s been said far more eloquently elsewhere, for example – here.

Today in dot points

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• Got a lie in for the first time in a few days. I’ve been doing the morning shift with Inigo since Monday, feeling very proud of myself. We had diner with mum and dad last night, and Inigo had a meltdown a the thought of coming home with mama instead of having a sleepover with Nanna. I wish I had that meltdown on video!

• Had my first solo bath in about 6 months. Having a bath was on the forbidden activities list for women with ruptured membranes, and since I’ve been out of hospital, Inigo has wanted to be with mama as much as possible, and that means solo bathing is a real luxury.

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• Had my 6 week check up today. Found out a few things..
° I was very lucky that I didn’t end up in intensive care. My doctors were really worried about me, and very relieved when I started to improve.
° Although I have improved a lot since leaving hospital, it is going to take a while until I am back to normal. Roshni said she would have “liked” to have seen me better than I am by now, I shouldn’t expect too much.
° I can start some gentle exercise now. No weight training yet, but aqua aerobics would be ok.
° International travel mid next year would be OK. Previously I was told not to travel, “just in case”.
° And if we decide to allow hope to triumph over experience, and make another attempt to add to our family, the ideal time to wait after a c/s is 18 months. Being over 40 may change that recommendation.
° Usually, premature rupture in one pregnancy means an increased risk for future pregnancies. But because I was pregnant with twins, Roshni thinks that was the cause of the rupture, and a future single pregnancy would “probably” be ok. Sheesh.

• After all this excitement, we go to the post office in Merrylands to pick up a few parcels, where I forgot my credit card.

• Lunch at the Taj. Inigo coped very well with no nap, and no mango lassi (they forgot to bring it). Home to tackle some housework, for the first time in a long, long time.

Tomorrow, I am going to be completely wrecked…

(First image, Inigo and Nanna last night, second image, a four leaf clover I found on the day of Inigo’s birthday party)

Progress

Today, I went to a party for a very special two year old, then I went for a power shopping trip with my very fit sister in law. It was only an hour, but I walked from the car to the centre, shopped for an hour, and then back to the car carrying shopping. Sure, I had headspins on the walk back, and couldn’t talk to a friend on the phone and walk at the same time, but I made it back to the car, and I got some shopping done.

So, apparently, christmas might happen after all.

Nothing to report

Just sticking up a post so that people don’t think I have completely succumbed to alcoholism and despair.

I am going to post a copy of the funeral ceremony soon, but I thought I would wait until I had some photos to post at the same time – but I am in no hurry. I can’t yet look at the memorial cards – and if you wanted to be there and couldn’t be, let me know and I will send you a copy of the order of service and a comment card. So your thoughts for us can be included in our memorial.

So yes, things are bleak. And I don’t have energy, emotional of physical for anything other than getting through each day.

But I’m a BOY!

Yesterday, Inigo chose his outfit (as he is wont to do), and it was a stunner. His tie dyed hippy rainbow shirt (which says “my dad reads to me”), and purple fleece pants with a butterfly on the hip. His hair was looking spectacularly curly, and I had a hair clip (black though!) to keep it out of his eyes.

In Medicare, the woman at the counter complimented my beautiful daughter on her lovely manners (he likes to hand over the medicare card), and I decided to let it slide. I mean, in that outfit, who would guess he was a boy? Often I do correct people, but they get very embarrassed, and I really didn’t have much extra emotional energy yesterday.

But Inigo did. “But I’m a boy”, he piped up with.

Classic. You could have cut the air with a knife. And I look like the strangest mother in the world.

“He likes to choose his own clothes”, I squeaked. It was the best I could do in the circumstances.

A christmas miracle

My counsellor from Sids and Kids has been wonderful with helping me to talk to Inigo about death, and about life, and about what happens in between. Without her I would have been lost, knowing how to deal with this situation, how to guide Inigo through this terrible situation. When I asked if Inigo should attend the funeral, she suggested that while Inigo might not know the difference now, in later years he would want to know if he was at the funeral, and what role he played. That is why we have decided to bring him to the funeral, and to give him the job of handing out the stickers to the other kids for decorating the coffin. And I have asked friends to photograph and video the service so that he will be able to have his questions answered in the fullness of time.

She also suggested that including Archie and Aubrey in our family rituals was a good idea. So this week when Steph took me out, I bought three glass ornaments, small, medium and large, one for each of my boys, and had them personalised with their names. Then when I got home, the funeral director was waiting for me to sign some paperwork, so I dropped my shopping bags on the verge, and signed.

Cue large 4WD, running directly over my shopping bags. The gin was ok, the tonic was ok, but the bag with the ornaments was in the middle. Inigo’s ornament was fine, Aubrey’s ornament was fine, but the box that held Archies was crushed. I opened it to assess the damage, and it was completely undamaged.

I think I am due for some good luck.

Tonight I did something radical

I cooked dinner!

Nothing posh, just pasta with artichokes and lemon, but it was a step up from pasta and red sauce, and it was the first think I have cooked (barring reheating food and 2 minute noodles) in about 4 months.

And today I spent some time explaining what is going to happen tomorrow to the Squish. If you are coming tomorrow, don’t be surprised if you hear him talking about the funeral as a “party”. Since he just had his birthday party, I decided to tell him that it was party to say goodbye to his brothers, and that we would talk about them, and have music, and stickers. I told him that some people would be sad, but that we wouldn’t be sad forever, and that we were very happy that we had him in our lives. And that we love him very much. And he said, “yes, yes you do”.