Bleurgh

It seems to be generally agreed now that these babies are going to hang around for the duration, so I am coming to terms with the reality of being pregnant with twins. And I feel the need to have a whinge. Please keep this in context – I do want these babies, and I know how lucky I am to have them. I have friends who have struggled, and still do struggle with infertility, and I really feel for them. But obviously, I don’t know what that is like.

My whinge is purely about the day to day reality of my situation. I’ve become a mouth breather, since my sense of smell is super sensitive, and my gag reflex is super strong. And I have trouble brushing my teeth because of said gag reflex. Sciatica, which plagued the end of my last pregnancy, has reared it’s head again, and the tiredness I feel is only exacerbated by the morning sickness medication I am on (which is barely helping – or maybe I am just way sicker this time).

I’ve lost almost six kilos in just over 3 weeks, which is a lot when you consider I didn’t really start spewing until this week. And my skin is so spotty and revolting, I look like I’ve been on a meth binge. And let’s no mention the waddle. aAll this before I have even hit 12 weeks!

Ok, enough whinging. I didn’t really blog about much of this stuff when I was pregnant with Inigo, so I don’t mind documenting it now – in case I forget!

So today Mark and I went to visit the obstetrician that was recommended to me by my midwife. He seems to have a sense of humour, and while he didn’t give me all the answers I wanted, he did seem reasonable, approachable, and not patronising.

So now we just have to decide if he’s worth $4000.

Masterchef

I promise this will be my only ever post about Masterchef. Apart from that other one, which doesn’t count.

A wee rant.

I can’t believe they dumped Marion. She was adorable, and I really wanted to buy her cookbook.

And I feel bad admitting that I have a soft spot for the bunny boiler, but I was really shocked when he go kicked off tonight.

So now my heart belongs to Alvin. And my right kneecap is quite fond of Adam. I like Jimmy, but I don’t think he can win the competition.

But please, bring back Marion.

10 things every new parent should know

PhD in Parenting has a list.

What would be on your list?

I think I would add –

1. Don’t give up on a relationship in those first difficult days. Unless there is abuse, and you really need to leave, stick it out. It will almost certainly get better, and there will be days you’ll really, really need each other. Having a baby can be like throwing a bomb into a relationship, and you will be at your weakest point when it explodes.

2. Sleep deprivation isn’t really that bad. It’s bad, but you can live through it.

3. Trust yourself. You are the world expert on your baby.

4. Watch the baby, don’t watch the clock. See point 3.

5. Prepare to succeed. Find out everything you can about parenting before you are a sleep deprived new parent. Especially breastfeeding. With good support and information, 9,999 out of 10,000 women can breastfeed.

6. You’ll probably fuck something up. Yell, when you thought you’d never yell, drop the baby, forget to pack nappies, whatever. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. There is such a thing as the “good enough parent”, and the “I’m trying really hard” parent. That is ok.

7. You don’t need a $2000 pram.

8. Face washers do a much better job of wiping up poo than those expensive single use baby wipes. Ikea sell packs of 10 for $8. Get 2 packs and thank me forever.

9. Two years might seem like an impossibly long time to breastfeed, but it’s not. Before you know it, it’s over, and your baby who can walk and talk and jump and crack jokes doesn’t need to breastfeed any more, and yet, he still seems so little, still such a baby. No-one can tell you how long is right for you and your baby, but understand that how you feel at three months might be miles from how you’ll feel at 18 months. Take your time to enjoy some of the ride.

10. Random shit just happens. Babies get sick, a pregnancy becomes twins, you bleed all over the place, and everything is ok. Sometimes, it really doesn’t feel ok, and you can’t imagine how anything can ever be ok again. But it will be, you will cope. And then one day you will look back and think, “Holy crap. I lived through that, and I am still here. I am awesome”.

Thoughts from Inigo, aged two and a half

Mama, where are those people going?

I think they are going to church.

Why are they going to church?

Well, some people believe in an omnipotent being that created the world and everything in it. So they go to church once a week to say thank you.

Hmmm. So after they say thank you to her, then they go home?

Yes, that’s about it.

Whoosh

That was the sound of my homebirth plans flying out the window.

Apparently my midwife isn’t comfortable doing a home delivery of twins after a c/s. Fair enough, but I am surprised. I did a little bit of research on twin homebirth, and I assumed that it would still be a possibility. Of course, I could choose another midwife, but I chose Robyn because I trust her not to take unnecessary risks – so I have to trust her on this too.

She has suggested that I choose an obstetrician, and has given me a few names. She thinks that if I want a chance to labour naturally, and want delayed cord clamping and skin to skin directly after the birth, then I have a much better chance with a private Ob than a hospital Ob (that may stick to established hospital policy and habit rather than what I want).

It’s funny, but I don’t mind spending $4,400 on a midwife, but $5,000 seems way too much for an obstetrician when I can have the babies for free in a public hospital. Maybe it’s just that I don’t mind paying to avoid hospital, but paying for something that should be free goes against the grain. It’s the socialist in me.

So another round of research, and phone calls, and decisions.

Please, can the scary news stop for a few days?

Processing

We spent today with a lovely friend who is mother to four beautiful children, the youngest two of which are twins. Ruby, you are a darling, and I can’t think of a better person to talk this through with.

The shock is wearing off, and the terror is easing. This is not something we planned, and while the chances are slightly increased with maternal age, it’s still “like being hit by lightning” (in the words of another wonderful friend).

Next week is all about getting information and making decisions. At this point, I don’t think there is any reason to change my birth choice, but obviously twin pregnancies come with increased risks, so we’re taking a wait and see approach.

And of course, waiting and seeing involves being “prepared” (whatever that means) for losing either one, or both of the babies. I don’t want to sound all doom and gloom, but my experience in the last few days have led me to places I never imagined, and now I have a whole lot more to lose.

So the pregnancy will be horrible (is already horrible, let’s face it), and the first three months will be incredibly difficult. And from then on it might slowly start to become more reasonable, until at some point, we’ll have three kids we love as much as we love Inigo. And that’s just a little bit more love than we thought we could cope with – but we’ll find a way.