The douchecanoe

Thanks for all your supportive comments about the wardsman, but I don’t want to make a complaint. Firstly, because it was the best laugh I have had in weeks, secondly because I am pretty sure he was horrified by what he had said, and I am sure he will think twice before opening his gob again. Thirdly, I do think he had special needs, and the last thing I want to do is for him to suffer over something that was really trivial for me – really, really.

And the final reason – I have a burning need to have a big whinge to the hospital about something much more important. On Saturday morning, just after we had said goodbye to Archie, and were still in a heightened state of shock and trauma, a doctor came in and said (in a very offhand manner), “we are going to give you something to dry up your milk”. Luckily I was still lucid enough to ask for more info. I wanted to talk to a Lactation Consultant and get more detail before I made a decision. But is was a Saturday, and there is no LC available on the weekends. Because women stop having breastfeeding problems on the weekends, right?

So I rang an ABA friend who is an LC, and imposed of her professionalism, and asked her the question. She can’t give me medical advice, but she can give me general information. Like – Dostinex can cause headaches and seizures. And for a very long time, women have been managing lactation suppression naturally. Since not much of this pregnancy has been natural (except the conception!), I decided I wanted to let my body cry its milk tears, and let my body deal with it. Of course, this decision has consequences too – you can suffer from engorgement, pain, and sometimes mastitis. Being an ABA counsellor, I was able to read the ABA Lactation Suppression booklet, and I knew what to do, and what warning signs to look out for.

After about five days, I felt I was going OK on my own, but I thought it was a good idea to chat to an LC, and perhaps ask her to examine my breasts for warning signs of infection (because I need another infection, right?). The nurse that I asked happened to be an LC, she asked a few quick questions about how my boobs felt, and then she left and came back a few minutes later with a bag of ice to put into each bra cup.

Helpful, and it relieved a bit of pain, but still no-one has examined my breasts, or talked to me about how the process is going. And of course I don’t blame my lovely nurse – she has been particularly awesome, even staying behind after her shift had ended to change my sheets because she knew I had been sweating. It’s not the nurses, it’s the hospital system! Please, if you have time, go to One2Four and sign their online petition. I can tell you from experience (week 4 now!), that the nurses are massively overworked, and yet you still couldn’t hope to find a more lovely, caring and gentle group of women (I have not had one male nurse yet).

So it wasn’t until yesterday when I had a visit from my lovely independent midwife Robyn, that someone actually checked my breasts. And yes, I can do my own checks, but there are bits of them I can’t see!

And since I can’t see the hospital spontaneously changing their policy, this will happen to many more women unless I complain and get a review process started.

And I think that is more important than a man with foot in mouth disease.

P.S. Temp is on the way up again. Don’t freak out, it is what I expected. What we are looking for is a gradual downwards trend, not a miracle cure (unless you can line one up for me Sally?).

Sensitivity training video – the “before” scene

The scene – the hospital room of a woman who has recently given birth to two dead babies. Present, the woman, a friend of hers, and the two year old child of the friend.

A wardsman enters to take the woman for a chest x-ray.

Wardsman (to woman, indicating two year old): He’s a bit big for a newborn!

Woman: No, that is my friends toddler.

Wardsman: Where is your baby?

Woman: My baby died.

Wardsman: Oh. Oh well, it could have been worse, it could have been twins.

Woman: It was twins. They both died.

Wardsman: Oh. Sorry about that. You know, my dog is always peeing on the carpet, but I can’t toilet train him, he’s too old. What do you think I should do?

———————————–
This is pretty much a word for word transcript of a conversation I had this week. It seems unbelievable, but I assure you, I have a witness that was a lot more lucid than I was at the time, and she assures me that my recollection was correct. He also kept talking about his dog and cat peeing on the carpet the WHOLE WAY down to X-RAY, where he then left me alone for a minute, and then came back and harassed me about the pee until I was saved b the X-Ray technician.

At least I have a sense of humour!

Still poorly

Roshni said today that if I am not significantly better by Monday, they will talk to me about doing an “aspiration under guided ultrasound” – stick a needle in me for drainage while using the ultrasound to guide what they are doing. Sounds like all kinds of fun, and there are risks involved, but there are bigger risks involved in having these horrendous fevers that don’t stop.

Sorry if I owe anyone an email, I am just having to manage computer time very carefully in my lucid hours.

Ooze update

So. The infectious diseases team hold the strong opinion that I should be cut open and drained.

And the obstetrics team seem to think that cutting open a uterus that has been through what mine has been through is just asking for trouble. The obstetrics team also seems to understand that although I am not ready to make the decision about having more babies – I am also not ready to have that choice taken away from me.

So they have decided to change to a funky new antibiotic, increase the dose of another one, and just keep pumping me full of drugs until I start to feel better.

But I am expecting that won’t be any time soon. Today was a nasty shock. Again I went from perfectly fine, to very, very sick in about 30 minutes. Shaking and sweating and sobbing and hallucinating. After my fever had started to break, it was measured at 39.9. Finally, I think my doctor is realising that I am not getting better quickly. And no, I won’t be going home tomorrow.

So while I am loving the visitors (really really), not knowing when I am going to have one of these attacks is quite scary, and it’s not the sort of thing that is fun to watch, so I think it might be best to give me a call before you come.

As of right now, I am feeling fine – but for most of today I have been feeling extremely poorly. If I continue to feel as well as I do right now, party in my room tomorrow 😉

My doctors have decided…

That despite my fever spiking again at 39.2 this afternoon, I am going to respond to the antibiotics, and will be able to go home on Saturday. I have been afebrile for most of the afternoon and evening, but woke up about an hour ago needing pain relief with another temp, 38.7 this time.

Not hopeful for Saturday yet.

Id once more like to mention how lucky I am to have such great friends. My room looks like a florists shop, and I barely have time to feel sorry for myself because of the constant influx of visitors. There may come a time when I will need some quiet, but for now, constant love and affection is keeping me breathing. I know what has happened to me is really, really shitty, but I still feel blessed to know all of you!

Oh, and we have met with the funeral directors – a lovely company that do at cost services for neonates (bless them!), and have set arrangements in place. We wont set a date though, until we are sure I am well enough to leave hospital, and stay out.

If I said there was a punchline, you’d assume this was the final act…

After my second round of 48hours of broad spectrum antibiotics, I am still febrile (temp over 37.5 – actually around 38.3 for the last 24 hours), so they have finally done an abdominal ultrasound, and found what looks like a pocket of ooze (that is a technical term), and also what looks like a significant abscess.

I haven’t spoken to Team Lara (Roshni, Rena and Armani, my gorgeous doctors), but I am assuming this means more surgery.

Still in hospital

Yesterday I woke up feeling crappy. Fevers, bad pain, shivers, cold. Spewy.

Turns out the infection hadnt cleared. I was told I would need another 48 hours of antibiotics before I could leave, now I am being told I need to be afebrile (no fever) for 24 hours before they let me go home.

Which I am kind of happy about, because I would hate to leave only to have to come back again.

So I am still felling physically terrible, which leads having the sads quite bad – so I am loving all the visitors. Thank you to all my lovely friends 🙂