Still here

Just suffering under the weight of a massive head cold, a 3000 word essay on environmental peace that just will not write itself, a dodgy leg that I don’t have time to get x-rayed, a kid that screams his head off if you open the door before he gets there to open it for you, a cousin with melanoma, another cousin with a shattered knee from a motorbike accident, and a dear family friend with a brain tumour.

Just for some light relief…

I am a few months late with the remainder of this terms playgroup fees for the Steiner playgroup we attend, so I transferred some money, and went to an ATM, which promptly ate my card. On the verge of tears, a perfect stranger came up and asked if I was ok. I explained the situation, and he not only took me into the bank to chat with the manager, he also offered to loan me some money so I could buy some lunch. Then five minutes later I was chatting with a lady in the post office (she forgot her glasses, and needed help to read an address), I told her why I was muttering under my breath – and she also offered to loan me money!

In less than 10 minutes, two perfect strangers both offered to help me out. I was struck their kindness, and it really brightened my day. And in a perverse way, thinking about my babies made the whole thing seem trivial. I thought of them, and walked away from the situation knowing that losing access to my bank account is really a minor blip of irritation. I was quite cheerful after that. I know that sounds flippant and strange, but for me it is a big thing to be able to think about my babies without drowning in my own agony of loss, and to be able to start to examine my reactions dispassionately.

I’m still crazy, and probably would have been locked up in the days of a decent mental health budget, but things are getting better.