Passionate Sadness

Two words to describe grief.

I’ve had to take a major step forward this week, and leave a personal issue in the past. That, and my conversations with Inigo have meant that the last two weeks have been the worst since Archie died. No. Last Monday was the worst day (bar the 6th of November 2010), of my entire life.

But I made a decision to stick with uni, and I have an assignment due on Monday. So I have had to get a grip, and knuckle down. Assignment one in “Environmental Peace” has been electronically submitted tonight, and now I have tomorrow to catch up on a week of psychology homework. Ask me about salinity in the Murray-Darling Basin 😉

It doesn’t mean I am not sad, or inhuman, just that I realise that my choices are mine to grasp, not to passively accept the weight of the crap that has rained down on me in these last 12 months.

And today? Inigo told me that he didn’t want to go and see Alex (possibly his favourite person), because he wanted to stay with mama. Maybe I am doing a better job of staying jolly in front of him? Or maybe he accepts that I am flawed, and loveable anyway.

5 thoughts on “Passionate Sadness”

  1. The assignments seem so out of keeping with the subject titles but having done Uni myself as a mature age student (2003-2005), I know things can often seem a little unrelated!

    You are taking forward steps, Lara. It may not seem like it but, believe me, you are. The loss of dear dad after 52 years of my life doesn’t compare with the pain of losing two children, but grief must take its course and is not over in an instant. There will be, as I’m sure you know, bad days and better days for all of you. It works well if the three of you don’t have bad days at the same time but no doubt, some days you will.

    Maybe Inigo just needs his Mama more than Alex right now.

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  2. I’m so impressed you’ve submitted your assignment and are powering on to the next lot! I think I’m going to have to get out of this wallowing state and do something…

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  3. I’m glad you feel like you’re moving forward and like you’re taking some control, But I hope you will be kind to yourself when the next terrible day inevitably comes. I hate to think you feel like you’re not entitled to fall off the happy train sometimes.

    Meanwhile, well done on getting your assignment submitted! I must get my lazy self re-enrolled.

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  4. There’s a desal plant in the Murray-Darling basin the sells the salt. Lovely pink crystals.

    I can highly recommend them with margaritas. Just saying!

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