Miriam, come here!
Mama is right here baby, what do you need.
No mama, I want Miriam, go away.
What is wrong baby?
I don’t want you to be my mama. I want a mama that isn’t sad all the time.
And right there, I wanted to die. I thought that I wasn’t going to be able to draw another breath into my body. How can I recover from that, repair my relationship with the most important person in the world? I thought I was doing a great job of staying positive, and upbeat, and jolly. I thought I was succeeding in being a good mama, despite my huge sadness.
But no, I suck. So now I am wondering if I need to give up uni and spend more time with my baby, despite the fact that uni has been one thing that I have really been enjoying. Should I quit and try to be more focussed on Inigo, or should I keep going and hope that it makes me happier so that I am more fun to be around in the long run?
We had a long talk in the car on the way home, and he assures me that tomorrow, when he wakes up from a big sleep and feels better, he will ask me to be his mama again. I hope so. Otherwise, mama won’t know how to keep breathing.