A conversation in the car

Mama, our babies died.

Yes darling, they both died.

But I wanted to bring them home with us. I wanted to have my baby brothers.

Me too baby.

I miss them, I want my brothers. Why did they die?

I miss them too – and we did everything we could to keep them with us. Sometimes, if you try really, really hard, you can change the outcomes. But sometimes, it doesn’t matter how hard you try, how hard you work, or how hard you hope, some things just don’t work out the way you want them to.

And they just died.

Yes bubbaloo. They died. And we’re very sad.

But I want my brothers. I want my brothers.


Just when you think things are going well, it all turns to shit. I am assured by my gorgeous grief counsellor that I am handling Inigo’s questions well, but it kills me to have to be so calm and considered, when all I want to do is sob and scream, and rage. But I don’t, because my baby needs me to be a grown up. And that’s a choice.

4 thoughts on “A conversation in the car”

  1. I’m so sorry you have to have that conversation with him. I think you’re a wonderful mother- to all of your children.


  2. I hope you’re letting him see you sad a little bit too…

    Important that he doesn’t think he’s the only one still grieving, IMO.

    Why do these conversations always take place in the car??

    I suspect its one you’ll have a few more times too.

    Sending you strength. You are an awesome mama.


  3. I’m sorry the conversations are hard – but I agree with Susan. Your awesome kid is sensitive and emotionally mature and he can cope with seeing you get sad about something that IS sad. Grown ups feel sadness and anger, too.

    Big hugs to you. Let’s catch up again soon.


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