Dear ING Direct

My name is Lara. On my birth certificate, it’s Larissa. Lara/Larissa. Matt/Matthew. Rob/Robert. Ed/Edward/Ted.

It’s not fucking brain surgery.

So why does it take 2 years, a marriage certificate, endless phone calls, and various paperwork, only to be told that I now need a birth certificate, certified by god, and a Statutory Declaration saying that I am who I say I am, and always have been?

And why, why, why, why, do I have to speak to a supervisor, and practically beg to be sent this information in writing. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, if you make a process unnecessarily impossible, for a customer to ask for specific instructions in writing.

And lastly. Why does it take 3-4 weeks for a letter to be put in the post? Are the typing monkeys on sabbatical in Switzerland? Do the legal people need to check it for possible litigation? Does the office junior only go to the post office every fifth Tuesday?

What the fuck people?

I am taking my $3.50, and putting it with a bank I can actually visit, and shout at in person.

3 thoughts on “Dear ING Direct”

  1. Lara, they’re wrong.

    You can change your name without documentation if it is a shortened version of the original. DH did exactly that- with his names, clan names, middle name, surnames he dropped some of those. No paperwork, quite a few hassles from the RTA, but FIL threatened to call A Current Affair. LOL. Then they got over it 🙂


    1. That is what I am thinking – if they need 4 weeks to run it through the legal department, they are likely to be being obstructive, and I will get the banking ombudsman onto them. It’s been five and a half years that I haven’t been able to access my money because of this!


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