We’re going back

The last 48 hours has been pretty awful.

Inigo gained 180gms from Tuesday to Friday – on top of whatever he gained from his last clinic visit on the 1st of May. Since we’re working with different scales, we won’t know that until we get back to Granville on a Thursday, but I think it’s about 150gms.

Despite his gain (5.470kg on Friday), the doc wants us back in lockup for another week. Of course I will comply, but it’s at great personal cost. I am not a person that takes direction well at the best of times, and when I feel like I am being patronised it’s really difficult for me to play nice.

Of course, I’m being told that we have to get the boy’s weight up as quickly as possible, and if we weren’t able to stay at Tresillian, then we’d probably be in hospital.

I’ve been told to express three times a day to get extra feeds. And if I can’t get enough, to give formula. Last Saturday night, we used up my stock of extra feeds when he stayed with Mum and Dad for the night. And since I’ve been at Tresillian, I have only been expressing enough to give his antibiotics, so my supply has dropped.

And stress affects supply.

And now I’m sick.

I had a bit of a cough on Friday, today I woke up feeling like death, it hurt to swallow. And my supply failed this afternoon.

Apparently illness doesn’t usually decrease supply, so it could just be that he is asking for more, and I need a day or so to catch up. Unfortunately, we don’t have any time to waste, so tonight he had some formula for the first time.

On Thursday he’ll be 24 weeks, or six months old. It was always my goal to breast feed until he was six months old, and beyond that if I could. The rational me is ok about it, and glad that I can feed him any way I can, but of course the emotional me is devastated.

Every bit of formula he gets means he isn’t sucking, and therefore not building supply. So while some might say it’s only a bit of formula, I am aware that the more formula he gets, the less my body will produce, and it may be very hard to continue breastfeeding without a lot of hard work.

So maybe if I had to face this when I was feeling emotionally sound, and physically well, then I’d be able to be a little more analytical, and a little less emotional. But after this week, and after the struggles we had to get it working in the first place, I’m not ready to give up easily.

6 thoughts on “We’re going back”

  1. Even when you are all over things like a rash decisions like this don’t come easy. Remember that you need to do what is right for Inigo, and if that means putting on weight with formula supplements then that’s the answer. My three had various experiences with breast milk and formula, and all three are relatively normal and healthy and well adjusted. And you might find that taking some of the pressure off yourself is a good thing for all of you. Just my two cents as usual!

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  2. That is a fantastic weight gain.

    One option is the old fashioned supply line then the extra formula/EBM is being given in such a way as to stimulate the breasts.
    I pushed that if I HAD to give formula on a regular basis it was being given that way. If you do that and take motillium it can really bring the supply up quickly.
    It worked for me with #1 without motillium and it seemed worked for #2 with drugs if the ammount of vomit was any indication of increased supply 🙂

    Don’t beat yourself up too much is he’s not getting 100% breast because even if you are topping up on formula every feed he’s still getting breastmilk and all the associated benefits. It is a pain to be doing both.

    You can always get the weight up and then concentrate on getting back to 100% breast. It takes an effort but you are doing a great job and you can only do so much. Pick your battles otherwise you’ll wear yourself out and that won’t do anyone any good.

    I understand the emotional devestation when your child is given formula. I had that when Cadel was 4 days old and it was try that or in a day or two hes probably need a transfusion. Eeek I knew which was the better safer option but that didn’t stop me from crying whenever he was given a bottle.

    biggest hugs

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  3. Oh Lara, I know the feeling well of losing the breastfeeding before you’re mentally ready – not a good feeling. It’s a very difficult time.

    Supply does of course fluctuate, and obviously this bootcamp isn’t doing it any good at all, but a six month established supply isn’t going to disappear in a week. I know you know that you can bring it back by feeding a lot when you get home. Just smile and wave – not your thing I know – but you’ll be home soon!

    Good news about the weight gain though, huh?

    I really hope they look after you with your flu as well. So Murphy’s law that would happen at this time.

    Lots of warm thoughts from down south emanating up there to you and Mark and Inigo. Deep breath Lara – you can do this.

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  4. I’m not sure you need to play nice if you feel you’re being patronised. 🙂 Try and keep the formula to a to minimum, and keep your eyes on the long-term goals. Everything you’re saying makes perfect sense to me. XX

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  5. I’m reading this too late to be of any help to you but, believe me, I sympathise and empathise. I’ve been there, albeit 22 years ago. I filled DD on water between feeds – her stomach was full and she was [temporarily] satisfied. One and a half hours later I had enough milk for her to feed again. We did that for a couple of weeks if I remember correctly.

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