I’ll be ok.
I’ve spent a few days thinking about it, and I think the real reason I wanted a girl is because I feel that I have more to offer a girl. My experience is as a girl, and there is a hell of a lot of stuff that I worked out and feel that I could share with a girl.
But on the upside, boy stuff is pretty uncomplicated.
Now to the serious stuff.
I think it’s ok to admit that I’m miserable. I crashed the car on saturday night, and scared the shit out of Mark and myself. We’re OK (I had some cramps, and was worried about Ampersand for a bit, but ok now), but the car is in hospital. It’s making odd noises, pulling to the left, and bottoming out in places where it never did before. So my trip south to visit Ailsa has to be postponed. And I just went to her blog to get the link, and I see that she HAS A NEW PUPPY!
The social worker form the hospital rang today, and I just couldn’t tell her I was ok. Instead, I burst into tears, and found myself realising that I’m losing my grip on the OKness of the world. There’s a bit of industrial action at the serotonin factory. So I spent most of today feeling sorry for my self without recognising it, then bawling into the phone at a complete stranger, and then I had to drag my sorry carcass up the hill to the car hospital, only to be told that I’d have to leave it overnight for a diagnosis. I didn’t cry, but neither did I continue on to the shops to get something for dinner tonight.
Back home to bed, wondering if Mark can cope with boiled rice for dinner again tonight.