Category: The Life of Lara

The proud parents

Aunty Kerry rang this afternoon to remember the boys, and I was reminded of how parents of children who die before or close to the time of birth are rarely afforded congratulations, expressions of joy about how the baby is gorgeous, has a beautiful name, or a head full of gorgeous curls.

Parents who lose a baby (or two) are still parents. We are still passionately in love with our children, we are still proud and enraptured with our offspring.

I hope that this image illustrates that a little.

One final thought for the night. When a parent loses a baby, it is not just an ephemeral potential that is lost. What we lose when a baby dies is the world of possibility, a thousand losses, day by day as we watch others grow, take first steps, hear first words. In another three years their cohort will go to school, and on, and on.

To a parent, that potential is not ephemeral, but rather very concrete indeed.

Not much of a birthday

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It is two years today since Archimedes Hare and Aubrey Michael nettle were born. Archie fighting for life, and Aubrey already gone 9 weeks previously.

The first month was like a dream, the next three months like a bad trip. The first year felt like a marathon, continually battling to put one foot in front of the other, using sheer force if will just to keep going, to stay alive. Reaching the first year mark was like climbing Everest, sticking a flag in it and calling it done.

This year has had an entirely different tone. I have accepted that although my loss has changed me, it no longer defines me. Although it was devastating, the life I have built, and the me I have become since losing my twins is worthwhile, and that the resilience I have attained (or discovered) is a great blessing that has come from great loss.

My thoughts about my boys (including my Squishy!) are now more likely to turn to the joy and good fortune of knowing them rather than the pain and devastation of losing them. Or the occasional pains of living with an awesome almost five year old.

I can look at pictures of Archie with love and pride, and joy. And know how lucky I am.

My new obsession

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Preserved lemon and chickpea salad

2 cans of cooked chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1 bunch of parsley, finely chopped
3 segments of preserved lemon, flesh discarded and finely chopped. These were home made, I cut large lemons in to 8.
The juice of 1/2 to 1 lemon, depending on size
A generous splash of olive oil

Toss together, and enjoy!

I had way too many lemons a few months ago, and I finally got around to preserving them, as I had never done it before. It was just as easy as it was supposed to be, and preserved lemon is now my new favourite flavour. This recipe is a simplified version of the one in the Stephanie Alexander Kitchen Companion book.

Thank you Cory Bernardi

For being such an absolute deadshit that even Tony Abbot had to distance himself from you. And Malcolm Turnbull rejected your rhetoric in very strong terms. The whole country is disgusted that you likened gay relationships to bestiality, and because of that disgust I have regained a little of my lost respect for my fellow Australians.

I have a lot to say about the “Muslim Riots”, but that will have to wait for another day. Suffice it to say for now that I am sad that we don’t yet have a parliament that is willing to do the right thing, but we have progressed, and we will no longer tolerate hate speech dressed up as opinion. That is progress.

As for Mr Abbott – you should have sacked him for being a deadshit, not for being “undisciplined”. In my opinion, you lot could do with a little less discipline, and a little more backbone.

Today, I made history

I handed in an assignment almost two days early!

Stats is still kicking my arse, but the massive amount of work I am pitting in seems like it is reaping results. I actually understand most of the procedures, if not the way the lecturer speaks.

Unfortunately, we also have an exam on Thursday night, and I still don’t understand Eugene. It’s like he is deliberately obscure 😦

At least I now have a fighting chance!

Today

Inigo decided a while ago that when he goes to university, he will study music, so he can be a singer.

Today, after I explained what the army is, and why they exist, he found out how comes the world is. I explained that there are people who think about complex problems all the time, who try to work out right from wrong, and who try to define grey areas.

He has changed his plan. Now, he wants to study music, and philosophy.