Today I went to the ABA NSW Branch conference, and attended a small group session on stillbirth and neonatal loss for health professionals.
I met friends I hadn’t seen in ages, met their babies for the first time, or learned of new pregnancies. I told people what I had been through in general terms, and with others I was more specific.
I was told that I looked well, that I am coping well, that I seem to be coping better, that they are sorry for my loss, that they can’t imagine what it has been like for me, and I was hugged. A lot.
And I was told that I am brave. I replied that I had a child to care for, that being brave wasn’t a choice, that Inigo deserves to have a functioning mama.
And she said, “it’s a choice. Some people make the other choice, but you didn’t. And that is the definition of bravery”.
So I am going to give myself a little bit of credit for that. I am still alive. My standards are pretty low, but I have met at least one of them.