Inigo: Were you scared when you were in hospital mama?
Me: A little.
Inigo: You are a very brave girl mama.
Me: Were you scared Inigo?
Inigo: No, I was looking after you.
Funny how the kid doesn’t talk about the babies, or the hospital, or the doctors, or whatever for ages, then out of the blue, Bam! Clearly he is still processing…
Disco Knitter 
I think you have a wise one there, Lara. You are a fabulous, wonderful and brave woman and Inigo is very good at looking after his Mama.
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It takes a while, Lara. They will come up with stuff when you least expect it. Chris’s grandmother passed away last year and Alex is still processing it now.
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pooks definitely is still processing. Not sure if Inigo has done the avoidance thing with you. Sometimes I feel that Pooks is too afraid to get too close, incase I disappear again. I know that when I was in treatment and moving in and out of hospital, the most difficult part was going back in again. He would see me visibly better, and then I’d go in again and come out sicker. So it’s like he doesn’t trust me.
The other day I made some flippant comment about how I nearly died, and he went really quiet. Later when I asked him what he was thinking about, he said in a serious old man voice, “i’m thinking about how you’ll be strong again.”
The most difficult part during this phase, the initial recovery phase, is that I’m not 100% physically or mentally. *sigh*. I just hope he understands and can process it. I still find it difficult when he turns to other people for comfort, but completely understand the fear. I mean I’m fearful myself and find myself distancing a bit because if I were to fully engage, and when I have fully engaged, I sometimes fall apart because of how normal it all seems – but yet everything has changed. Life ‘ay.
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