Dear Solar Hot Water Supplier (an open letter)

I will be spending approximately $6,000 (six thousand Australian Dollars) somewhere. If you play your cards right, and don’t commit one of the offences listed below, I might spend it with you. So you can buy a 2009 lime green ute to replace your 2008 lime green ute. Or something.

When I call and ask for a quote, telling me that “we don’t do urgent” won’t get you my business.

Waiting two days to return my call, and then telling me that “a lot of people don’t understand that the rebates will continue after this month” also doesn’t wash. As I haven’t washed, in my own home, for quite some time now. I’ve been going to Bev & Ted’s or Mum & Dad’s for showers for over a week at this point, I’m grumpy, I’m stinky, and I used to work in sales. Don’t bullshit a bullshitter.

Telling me that system x is better than system y won’t wash. My uncle is an expert on solar systems, so even if I am not an expert, patronising me won’t get you very far. Clear information will.

The other thing that really impresses me? A pithy turn of phrase.

Wayne, who we eventually decided to go with, won me with this phrase.

“Go with me here luv, I reckon we put in the tank on Sat’dy, and then hook up the panels when we find some. That way, yous’ve got some hot warter in the meantime. We’ll do that sat’dy, unless it farken rains. If it farken rains, that really buggers us up.”

And today, despite a light sprinkling of rain, we have hot water.

Thanks Wayne.