Nothing to stress about

We saw the obstetrician on Friday. He doesn’t think there is anything to be overly concerned about. And frankly, if there was, our ability to do anything about it is limited.

Three years ago, when we had the 12 week scan for Inigo, they did far less tests, because the ultrasounds were far less powerful, and they couldn’t see nearly as much detail. So in the opinion of our OB, three years ago, we wouldn’t even have known there was a potential issue at 12 weeks, so we would not have have had anything to worry about.

At this point, I’d like to talk about abortion. If you find that upsetting, don’t read any further. No, I am not planning to terminate this pregnancy, but there are some technical issues which are pertinent to how I am thinking at the moment, and it’s fair to give warning.

With a singleton pregnancy, if there is something drastically wrong with the baby* (it is growing without a brain, or has another condition that is incompatible with life), a mother can choose to terminate the pregnancy, up to about 20 weeks I believe. But with twins, after about 12 weeks, you can’t kill one baby and leave the other – and even at that point it is risky for the other baby. So if there is a problem with one of them, I would have to kill both of them, or neither.

You can’t do a CVS with twins. CVS can be done at 12 weeks, but Amnio can’t be done until 15 weeks, and then it is a 2 week wait for the results. So I wouldn’t know anything until 17 weeks, at which point I would have no options anyway.

I am not saying that I would consider an abortion, but it just seems that testing is pretty irrelevant at this point, because I certainly wouldn’t risk a healthy baby.

I’m probably just rambling, but the last couple of days have been a pretty horrendous roller coaster of emotions. Mostly fear and worry. And that’s no way to grow healthy babies.

*Or if a mother chooses not to continue with a pregnancy.

11 thoughts on “Nothing to stress about”

  1. Ruminating and rambling appears to be a curse of us Truly Amazing and Brilliant Women Who Happen To Have Twins. 😀
    I’m trying to write something really encouraging and empowering, but all I can come up with is floral Laura Ashley coated tripe about everything being perfect, or conversely, everything being predetermined anyway. Helpful, no?
    As a fellow extreme ruminator, I know you can’t turn your brain off. And you shouldn’t – it is part of you and without your brain, you wouldn’t be you. There is good and bad in every situation; joy and frustration coexist. You and all your children don’t live in a vacuum but in a world filled with beautiful people and places and things – and as long as you’ve got love, everything is going to be perfect. Well, if not perfect, then okay. And okay is good.
    Total crap? Maybe. But it’s gift wrapped and sent with a big bow tie of love. No Laura Ashley.

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  2. I’m childless but another Ruminator. Having possibilities B to Z thought about if not decided on is a good thing to do – better than going in naively then getting a shock and having to make some horrible decision on the spur of the moment. Crossing my fingers that these thoughts are ultimately unnecessary.

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  3. I can’t tell you to stop stressing – but I can tell you a story (I’m pretty sure I’ve told you before – but I’m getting old)
    19 years ago I gave birth at home to a normal healthy little girl, something about her chest looked a little “off centre” but I couldn’t put my finger on it – 4 years later when the severe scoliosis was detected -the paed (who we still adore as he adores her) told me they would have advised termination after the 12 week scan as they would have expected that she would have been unable to control her body from the neck down(I lived on an island and had 2 healthy babies – so the GP and midwife advised me not to bother with scans)that wee girl was Blaise – Blaise who was walking at 8 mths,potty trained and speaking sentences at 1 etc etc
    Nature often finds a way to compensate, Blaises tendons and muscles took a greater load – and her internal organis re-arranged themselves to suit.I don’t believe in God, I do believe this life holds more mystery and wonder than we can imagine.

    love you lots x x x

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  4. This is one of the reasons I didn’t do scans with my last baby. I knew that I would do nothing, no matter what the scans revealed and the stats that I could find at the time indicated the levels of false pos and false neg rendered the information delivered by the ultrasound almost useless. Of course I knew it was a singleton pregnancy and I had no bleeding, so it’s very different from your situation. It is so very wrong that something happening inside your body should be so beyond your control. I know it’s impossible to stop running through it in your mind, just try and look after yourself. Hugs.

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  5. Someone at RPA said, ‘if your not willing to make that decision; don’t ask the question.’ Second best piece of advice from the twins clinic.

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  6. It sounds like you’ve found yourself an OB you can trust, which is great news. Of course, the ‘don’t worry’ advice is pretty near impossible to follow, even if it comes from someone you trust, but at least you can feel reasonably confident that nothing is likely to come of those worries.

    I found the scans part sanity-saver and part insanity-inducer (we had a t18 scare at 12 weeks, intensified by a follow up that showed a second marker) but don’t think I could have resisted them.

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  7. Another who can’t really help you except to say hold onto the thought “our ability to do anything about it is limited”. I know this doesn’t sound too caring but that is the one thought that somehow calmed me through my pregnancy with Abigail. Yes I had days (actually nights mostly) where I cried and cried about the unknown but mostly I just kept hoping all would be well and told myself there was nothing I could do about what was or wasn’t going according to the pregnancy blueprint anyway. Most of the comments I got from people who knew what was going on is “how can you be so calm”. Well calm feels better than freaking out and what will be will be so….anyway, it worked for me.

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