I’ve joined an online pregnancy forum, one group is women who are due to give birth from the 15th-30th of November, so we are all around the same stage of pregnancy. The other group I read is mums who live around the Parramatta area – I thought it would be a good idea to get to know some locals, and possibly get some tips on child friendly resources in the area.
I don’t post much, but have been out to dinner with a group from the Ryde area before I moved, and found them to be nice, if not exactly the sort of people I would normally gravitate towards.
Since moving, I haven’t had much time to catch up with the forums, but this morning I logged on for a read. And I found a post that really disturbed me – a woman complaining about a car crash she was in, apparently caused by “a bloody asian”.
Now, if this happened in conversation, I would quickly, and hopefully with some humour, jump on the offender, pointing out that racism is not OK, and ask them to consider the feelings of someone who might not be around to stick up for themselves.
But this is online, and it isn’t possible to deal with it in the same way I would an offline conversation. I don’t want to start a flame war, but nor can I stand by and allow this person to think that racism is OK by me. And by not saying something, I feel like I am complicit in the abuse.
So I’ve posted a response, pointing out that I believe the comment is racist, but also hoping that it wasn’t meant that way, and leaving an opening for an apology. It doesn’t feel right that I should be so conciliatory to someone who believes in racial superiority, but I’m also not comfortable attacking someone over an offhand comment that might have been ill conceived and thoughtless. Still racist, but without evil intent.
Well, I suppose I’ll wait and see who gets attacked – the racist, or the *political correctness police.
*Because we all know that political correctness is evil, right?
Disco Knitter 
That is a difficult one. Being Asian, I’d take offence. I think you’ve done the right thing. I’d say that I was sorry to hear that she was in a car accident but being Asian has nothing to do with it.
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It’s horrible when you smack up against something like this. I once used to get a lift to and from work at a period of very high stress in my life with woman whom I considered generally quite pleasant and a reliable acquaintance. We used to drive through Ashfield and every day she would comment on the number of people jay-walking, with the addendum “and they’re all Chinese!”. As everyone we saw on the street in Ashfield was Asian (probably Chinese) that didn’t seem especially remarkable to me, but when I tried to raise it she got terribly angry and gave me a rant about ‘Asian drivers’. As a fairly new immigrant myself I didn’t realise that this is a common prejudice here, but I learned that if I wanted to keep accepting her lift I had to let her rant on this subject. After that she used to apologise to me before she did it, but she did it anyway. ::sigh::
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Sickening. Good luck Lara. I would find this one incredibly difficult to leave alone. I would try empathy (eg “I know it’s easy to generalise….. however I find it very offensive …… blah de blah”) and if that didn’t work I’d just quit the group.
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If you feel up to it, I really do think you should say something. So many people who say these sort of things just assume that everyone else agrees with them. If they feel that they’re in the minority (which unfortunately they probably aren’t) then they usually stop.
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I think the true test as to whether it’s a racist would be to pose the question to the poster and ask them how they felt if someone said: “a bloody woman” instead. Me, I would be pretty uncomfortable with a statement like that & would certainly speak out about it. If we don’t point out *isms that are ingrained & unconscious, people will never have the chance to correct them b/c they don’t notice them.
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It’s funny, don’t you think, that someone would automatically assume that people in the vicinity have the same views. Or, being online, aren’t a member of the particular group they’re generalising about. But then, I suppose we all tend to gravitate to those who share our views, so coming across someone who doesn’t hold those views is likely unusual for her.
It’s hard to know how to deal with this, and you’ve probably done as well as you could hope to, given what you’ve said. Perhaps I’ve point out that in my experience, the few accidents I’ve been involved in have been the fault of fellow Anglo-Celtic people — bloody Skippies!
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The danger (such a dramatic word!) of not commenting is greater – if views and comments like the one that was made regarding people who happen to be Asian and a perception that this relates to their driving ability or indeed anything else, and these comments remain unchallenged then a person may feel that their comment was justified… But your concern about starting a flame war is valid. Maybe tell her it could have been worse – she could have been in Newtown and had an accident because of a local Homoxuel or Lesbitarian!
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