Disco Knitter

First sunny day in ages, and we are still in bed

…when I realised that I had forgotten to check UAC for mid round offers, which were released today.

I’ve been offered a place in a Bachelor of Science at Macquarie.

Now I just have to decide if I’ll take it. Which probably sounds bizarre given the amount of stress I have been vibrating with over this issue.

I suppose the disappointment, and the waiting has taken its toll, and I am realising that Macquarie is a great big faceless institution, and UNE is a lot more student friendly. I’ll be swapping support for access. There are a lot of factors to weigh up – but at least now I have a CHOICE.

And in Squishy news, he came home last night declaring an unwillingness to go back to preschool today. So we talked a lot, and took it easy this morning. It turns out that he’s a bit overwhelmed with the busyness and noise of preschool. He’s only ever been with a maximum of four other kids at daycare, so it’s a big adjustment. And one of the kids said something mean to another kid, then Squish thought they were talking about him (he wasn’t), and he found the whole thing very upsetting.

We talked about how interpersonal relationships are hard, even for grown ups, and that the best you can do is use your manners and be kind and friendly. If you can do that, you will always find someone who wants to hang out with you. And that sometimes it can be hard to make new friends, but the rewards are great.

He agreed to go (we were nearly an hour late), and before we left home we rehearsed asking Christian if he would like to play.

This afternoon, when I went to pick him up, he was surrounded by kids, happily drawing away. About six of the kids piped up with, “Inigo, your mum’s here!”. He ran to me, and on the way home told me that he and Christian had played together.

It feels like a huge win. I am so proud of that kid, I could burst.

a picture of daddy having fun

Inigo had a great time today, and is looking forward to going back tomorrow. He really loves Claire, one of the teachers, and he loves Eva and Jody too.

Eva thought that I packed too much food for him. She has no idea how much that kid can eat when he isnt distracted!

As for Macquarie, I think their assessment protocols suck. Evie got it right, they shouldnt be punishing me for a fuckup in 19-freaking-99. Or 2000. If I recall correctly, I dropped out of uni when my grandmother died. Lots of stuff in my life was down the toilet. I didnt know why I was studying, I had no direction, and I didnt withdraw in time to escape academic penalty. Cest la vie.

But for now, if I can get into a Bachelor of Science, do some psych subjects, and then dazzle them with my brilliance for a while, I should be able to easily transfer into the BA/Psych or the BSc/Psych.

Well, that is the plan. There are a few more hurdles, like, will they give me credit for the 3 units I did in 1999/2000? Of they are going to punish me for the failures, they bloody well better give me credit for the wins.

And then there is convincing the lecturers to allow me to study Psych subjects when I am not enrolled in a Psych degree. But that is a battle for another day.
I havent even been accepted yet, and I am already hating the bureaucracy!

Apparently my marks from 1999 pulled my ranking down, but there are still vacancies for a BSc, so I have a good chance of getting an offer for that on Wednesday night.

Ready for school – Mark went in to work late, and we all cycled to preschool together. He asked us to wait for 5 minutes, but was then happy to let us go.

Last seen playing by himself, I am hopeful that he will make friends and that he will come home looking forward to going again tomorrow. Waiting till 3.30pm to find out how is is doing is so hard!

Now, on to Chad…

Frog Chops 1, 2, and 3, bathing

Today, my babies should have been turning one. We didn’t celebrate, didn’t visit the cemetery, and I didn’t collapse into an alcoholic stupor.

Because, I’m pregnant.

I want to write “it looks like I am pregnant”, or, “I might be pregnant”. But the pee on the stick doesn’t lie. It doesn’t guarantee anything. But for the past three days (since the day my period was due), there have been two little pink lines of the stick. Very faint on the first day, but getting stronger day by day.

And there are a shedload of things that can, and probably will go wrong. At this point I am approximately 4 weeks and one day along. Something like 50% of pregnancies miscarry withing the first trimester – before 12 weeks. Conventional wisdom says that you shouldn’t announce a pregnancy until after this “danger period” has passed.

But hey, I was well out of my first trimester when things went pear shaped during my pregnancy with the twins. Aubrey was 19 weeks when he died. Archimedes was well past “viability” when he was born.

Crazy, terrible, devastating things happen during pregnancy, and there is no magic “safe” time. Your baby can die during labour, or you can have her for three years and have her die in her sleep. I have lost the comfort of believing that these things don’t happen, or that they happen to “other people”.

I am now the living embodiment of that horrible warning. The woman with the dead babies. The one that you don’t quite know what to say to. And that is ok – “I don’t know what to say” is a perfectly acceptable thing to say.

So the announcement is coming now for two reasons.

1. I am not your gorgeous glowing pregnant woman. I get really tired, really nauseous, and I find it really hard to stay cheerful and hide my symptoms in public. And this time there is one other symptom that I will be unable to hide. The all consuming terror. The countdown to early September (if we make it) will be glacial. Every hour, every twinge, every cramp, every visit to the toilet will be, in my mind, a harbinger of doom. It’s hard to live a normal life when you feel like that.

2. If this goes pear shaped, I will need people to know. Miscarriage is such a private thing, rarely discussed, usually hidden and secret. Baby loss used to be the same way, whispered about, but never discussed openly.

And that just isn’t my style.

Tonight, Inigo fell asleep listening to the first chapter of “The Hobbit”. My dad read it to my brother and I when I was about 4, and I figured he was ready to encounter long form stories.

We started with a CD collection of Enid Blyton stories read by Kate Winslet in the car, he was enthralled.

It’s so great to have a kid that appreciates the finer things in life

After not hearing anything all day, I rang at 4.50pm.

But they knock off at 4.30pm on Fridays.

Not. Happy. Chad.

He sent off an email on Wednesday, but hasn’t heard back yet. The person he needs to follow it up with will be in after 10.30, and he will DEFINITELY call me back today.

I hate waiting, especially when there isn’t much hope of good news.

Some people have Godparents, some have Fairly Odd Parents, and now Aurore and Freya have “Spare Parents” – Mark and I!

Today Bonnie and Zenia asked us if we would accept the position, and I immediately burst into tears. Not only are Frog Chops 1 and Frog Chops 2 (Inigo has earned the moniker Frog Chops 3) two of the most adorable, sparkly eyed, feisty, clever and captivating children you could hope to meet, their parents are very special people too.

Inigo still has three of his original four “Odd Parents” who take an active role in his life, and I know the care and consideration we put in to selecting those people – people that we hoped would be a part of his life as he grew up, people that he would be able to turn to no matter what. People that would love him unconditionally, people that would be there for him if ever we couldn’t be.

It’s a special job. A sacred job. One that I am honoured to do. And feel very lucky to have the opportunity.

We went to the post office to pick up some shopping – a new t-shirt that says Awesome in groovy 70s lettering. So of course he had to wear it today

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

And no, Chad didnt call.

Leapy looking perplexed by Costco – a reasonable response….

Demonstrating his newfound climbing prowess at the Spotlight playground

Such a big grown up boy!

Making tea party friends at Parramatta Park

Borrowing Charlie’s new bike – and riding properly for the first time.

Today we had an impromptu Granville meet-up. Saw some old friends, and met a new one! One that works at UAC no less! Alas no promises of inside help, but it’s great to meet lovely people in Granville. I love that we have such a great community here.

Opera in the Park this year is the Pearl Fishers. Mum is taking the Squish (I thought he might be old enough this year, but Ted reminded me about the whole public transport in the middle of the night thing), so we’re going to be kid free for at least one more year.

Anyone care to join? I have been woking on picnic recipes

(Izzy, I’ve been dreaming of your little Polish mushroom jobbies!)

Mark took Inigo out for his first tandem bike ride today, most of the way to preschool. Hopefully, tomorrow will be dry enough that we can take all the bikes to the park so that we can go for a ride together

Thanks to mum for picking up the tool to install it, and getting Inigo a hat that actually fits his enormous head!

Just spoke to Chad from the admissions center, told him the whole story, burst into tears, and he was really helpful.

Hes going to look further into it, and get back to me on Monday or Tuesday.

In the meantime, Im going to change my preferences to put a BA into the mix. With an entry ATAR of 75, its much more likely that I will get in, and the switch from there.

We recently went to the movies to see Sherlock Holmes (verdict – good explosions, but the action and most of the plot were completely incomprehensible), and were shocked at how much it cost for the two of us to see a standard (not gold class/3d/vmax) movie.

So I thought it might be worth spreading the word about this deal – $8.60 movie tickets you can pre-purchase. The cost is $7.50 today, plus $1.10 when you book.

Link here.

No fracture, just a sprain, so that is two counts of feeling extremely silly chalked up in one day.

Thanks for every lovely comment, I have had a few cold hours in the hospital waiting room to process, and this isn’t the worst thing that has ever happened to me – or anything near it. It just means that I will have to go to residential school this semester, and every semester until I do get in to a decent Sydney University.

I certainly don’t want to disrespect ACU, it’s just that I know a total of NOTHING about it, and I had my future fully mapped out at Macquarie. From the meagre research I have been able to do, if you want a psych degree that matters, you get one from Sydney, or New South, or Macquarie.

By all means, argue with me! I really don’t have any information except what I have been told by the lecturer I met on open day and a psych student that works at the gym.

But for now, I’ll buy my stats textbook for Armidale, and work on my attitude towards residential school. My parents have offered to come with me to help look after Squish while I am up there, which is an amazingly generous offer, or I may be healthy enough to be able to leave him for a few days by the time it rolls around. Either way, it isn’t the end of the world.

The feeling I am left with is frustration that everyone told me I would get in, and now I have no way of knowing why I didn’t. There is no special consideration for mature age students, and no appeals process. Just a flat NO.

And NO has never been a word I can accept lying down…

Just looked up the ATAR for the course I was offered, Vs. the course I had as my first preference.

MQ B. Psych (Hons) 94.5
ACU BA (Psych) 60.7

There is a massive difference there. Even the course I am currently doing is about 72.55. Need more information. But it doesn’t look like a great achievement to have been offered a place at ACU after my results from last year.

Best offer was Australian Catholic University.

I’ve been waiting till the 18th to find out if I’ll be offered a place at Macquarie Uni. Today, I checked on the website to find out if I would be emailed or if I needed to log in to the website to find out.

BUT THE RESULTS AREN”T GOING TO BE POSTED TILL 9PM!

So the lunacy will continue for slightly longer…