Wednesday

Squish came with me to get my blood test this morning. It hurt like hell. I had blood tests up the waazoo in 2010, and got quite accustomed to it. This one gave me a cold sweat, and I was taken right back to those days at the hospital when they were trying to figure out what drugs the bug in my blood would respond to.

I’ll get the results on Friday morning, and if they are within what is expected for dates, I’ll get a referral to see Roshni.

I went to the “Pregnant and Paranoid” group at SIDS & Kids today. It’s always wrenching and exhausting going to groups, but it’s also very normalising, and reassuring.

My request for recognition of prior studies came through today, Macquarie are willing to grant me 20 credit points for my 48. Which is almost fair – my 48 cover 7 whole 100 level units, and at Macquarie, 100 level units are worth 3 credit points. Why I didn’t get the extra 1 point, I don’t know, but I am disinclined to ask, considering the run around I had to go through last time I asked a question. Perhaps I can deal with it later. Perhaps I can fight it if I have any fight left in me later…

And the Squish. Has a 38 degree fever and a headache. Currently in flannel pyjamas, watching “Annie”, and eating weetbix for dinner. Poor baby.

Working on it

Touch wood.

I’ve spoken to my midwife, who reckons that I am still a candidate for a home birth. But that I should check in with Roshni (my lovely high risk OB at the hospital). I was hoping that I could avoid the hospital, but probably isn’t rational – borne out of having had waaaay to much medical stuff after the twins were born.

Of course, I am still very, very terrified. Beyond terrified. I’m convinced that this will end in tears, that we won’t come home with a healthy baby, that Inigo won’t have a brother or sister. Apparently most women who are pregnant again after a loss don’t acknowledge it or make plans until much, much later. With my history though, I think that if I want this baby to live, I have to be open to whatever my medical team advises.

So on Tuesday, Inigo and I are going to the GP. He for his 4 year old vaccinations and a new referral to talk to the paediatrician (some anomaly with his last hearing test), and me for a blood test (just to make sure the hormone levels are on track for where they should be – I’d rather avoid a scan if I can), and a referral to see Roshni.

Tonight we told Inigo that we were working on another baby. Last time, we told him he was going to have two babies. This time, we’re “working on it”.

Was about to go to bed…

…when I realised that I had forgotten to check UAC for mid round offers, which were released today.

I’ve been offered a place in a Bachelor of Science at Macquarie.

Now I just have to decide if I’ll take it. Which probably sounds bizarre given the amount of stress I have been vibrating with over this issue.

I suppose the disappointment, and the waiting has taken its toll, and I am realising that Macquarie is a great big faceless institution, and UNE is a lot more student friendly. I’ll be swapping support for access. There are a lot of factors to weigh up – but at least now I have a CHOICE.

And in Squishy news, he came home last night declaring an unwillingness to go back to preschool today. So we talked a lot, and took it easy this morning. It turns out that he’s a bit overwhelmed with the busyness and noise of preschool. He’s only ever been with a maximum of four other kids at daycare, so it’s a big adjustment. And one of the kids said something mean to another kid, then Squish thought they were talking about him (he wasn’t), and he found the whole thing very upsetting.

We talked about how interpersonal relationships are hard, even for grown ups, and that the best you can do is use your manners and be kind and friendly. If you can do that, you will always find someone who wants to hang out with you. And that sometimes it can be hard to make new friends, but the rewards are great.

He agreed to go (we were nearly an hour late), and before we left home we rehearsed asking Christian if he would like to play.

This afternoon, when I went to pick him up, he was surrounded by kids, happily drawing away. About six of the kids piped up with, “Inigo, your mum’s here!”. He ran to me, and on the way home told me that he and Christian had played together.

It feels like a huge win. I am so proud of that kid, I could burst.