Working on it

Touch wood.

I’ve spoken to my midwife, who reckons that I am still a candidate for a home birth. But that I should check in with Roshni (my lovely high risk OB at the hospital). I was hoping that I could avoid the hospital, but probably isn’t rational – borne out of having had waaaay to much medical stuff after the twins were born.

Of course, I am still very, very terrified. Beyond terrified. I’m convinced that this will end in tears, that we won’t come home with a healthy baby, that Inigo won’t have a brother or sister. Apparently most women who are pregnant again after a loss don’t acknowledge it or make plans until much, much later. With my history though, I think that if I want this baby to live, I have to be open to whatever my medical team advises.

So on Tuesday, Inigo and I are going to the GP. He for his 4 year old vaccinations and a new referral to talk to the paediatrician (some anomaly with his last hearing test), and me for a blood test (just to make sure the hormone levels are on track for where they should be – I’d rather avoid a scan if I can), and a referral to see Roshni.

Tonight we told Inigo that we were working on another baby. Last time, we told him he was going to have two babies. This time, we’re “working on it”.