Disco Knitter

It looks like we won’t be able to fit three baby seats in our current car (which we love and don’t want to replace). And even if we can physically fit them in, the tether straps all go across the boot, so getting a pram into the car is going to be impossible.

So it looks like we’re in the market for a second hand people mover. Hopefully it will seat at least five, preferably more (in case we ever need to give someone a lift), have at least three anchor points for car seats, have a manual transmission, power steering, air conditioning, less than 100,000 on the clock, and not be brown. Oh, and it needs to be reliable, cheap to run, and cost almost nothing (which is what we currently have budgeted for a new car).

Yes, we’re depressed.

But this is a gig I really should have been at.

The Scissor Sisters, featuring our very own Kylie Minogue.

Inigo’s latest response to being asked a question.

“Inigo, can I pull our pants up?”

“Of course you can”.

Hmmm… Perhaps it’s time to start using “may” instead of “can” in front of him ;P

We saw the obstetrician on Friday. He doesn’t think there is anything to be overly concerned about. And frankly, if there was, our ability to do anything about it is limited.

Three years ago, when we had the 12 week scan for Inigo, they did far less tests, because the ultrasounds were far less powerful, and they couldn’t see nearly as much detail. So in the opinion of our OB, three years ago, we wouldn’t even have known there was a potential issue at 12 weeks, so we would not have have had anything to worry about.

At this point, I’d like to talk about abortion. If you find that upsetting, don’t read any further. No, I am not planning to terminate this pregnancy, but there are some technical issues which are pertinent to how I am thinking at the moment, and it’s fair to give warning.

With a singleton pregnancy, if there is something drastically wrong with the baby* (it is growing without a brain, or has another condition that is incompatible with life), a mother can choose to terminate the pregnancy, up to about 20 weeks I believe. But with twins, after about 12 weeks, you can’t kill one baby and leave the other – and even at that point it is risky for the other baby. So if there is a problem with one of them, I would have to kill both of them, or neither.

You can’t do a CVS with twins. CVS can be done at 12 weeks, but Amnio can’t be done until 15 weeks, and then it is a 2 week wait for the results. So I wouldn’t know anything until 17 weeks, at which point I would have no options anyway.

I am not saying that I would consider an abortion, but it just seems that testing is pretty irrelevant at this point, because I certainly wouldn’t risk a healthy baby.

I’m probably just rambling, but the last couple of days have been a pretty horrendous roller coaster of emotions. Mostly fear and worry. And that’s no way to grow healthy babies.

*Or if a mother chooses not to continue with a pregnancy.

And this one is for me. I need a bit of frivolity in my life right now!

Inigo’s current obsession. It’s all Gene Kelly, all the time around here. And he pretty much knows all the words, if not the dance steps.

For a start, let me complain about how freaking much this cost. $390 in Wahroonga, for a scan that is bulk billed (ie. free) in Penrith. That is the basic difference between the leafy North Shore, and Bogan central. Well, call me a bogan, but I resent being sniffed at by a receptionist in pearls and paying a million dollars for the privilege.

Right, so now I have that mundane detail out of the way, now I can moan about the actual scan. There is an issue with how twin 2 is lying, and the sonographer just couldn’t get a decent look at all the details they are supposed to check at the 12 week scan.

There are a couple of slight irregularities – twin 1 has only one artery in the umbillical cord (it should have two), and twin two has less amniotic fluid than twin one. That, and the fact that they can’t check the blood flow in the liver, etc, and they think I should do another scan in 3-4 weeks to rule out any problems.

It all sounds very reasonable and not scary when you put it like that, but being on the other end of the phone when hearing the news wasn’t a happy feeling, and I am still feeling pretty scared now. I’ll see the OB tomorrow to talk about it, but basically, I have three weeks to wait to find out if there is a reason to worry, or if everything is normal.

I keep hoping that the boring and mundane stage of this pregnancy will kick in soon, but I suppose that is too much to ask for?

1. Why didn’t Courtney get a welcome home party after her elimination? Everyone else is shown going home, and then there is a little recap about what they have been doing since they left the competition. Thanks Dad for pointing that out.

2. Yesterday I went with a friend for her 12 week scan, and apart from 10 minutes of violent purging as soon as I woke up, I was pretty much ok all day, just on one Zofran,and one Restavit. So I thought things were looking up.

3. Until this morning. And that is all I’ll say about that.

4. Today, dad gave Inigo a branch with four pine cones on it. Inigo is into counting things at the moment and he counted each pinecone, and came up with four as the total. It’s happened before, but he seems to be getting more consistent with his counting. Clever chicken.

5. Tomorrow is my 12 week scan. Not enormously stressed about it, but a little bit worried. I’m still bleeding, and have had some cramping. It’s a good thing I feel so sick, it keeps me feeling pregnant!

6. As some canny readers have noticed, I was on the tele on Tuesday night. Channel 10 have this clever idea about interviewing the residents of Abbot St, Sydney (a Labor seat) and Gillard St in Melbourne (a Liberal seat). So they knocked on my door last week, and I dragged myself away from the vomitarium for long enough to give them a few pithy comments about my socialist ideals. It’s an ongoing series they are doing, so you might catch me again. And I promise to make an effort to look less scraggy next time.

It looks like I have loaned my bumbo (little baby seat) to someone. Are you that person? Can I have it back in January?

My memory is crap.

Gestating two humans takes a lot out of a person, so there has been a lot of sitting under my new Sunbeam Heated Throw (thanks Mum!), and watching Old Spice ads.

If you haven’t been there yet, you’ll thank me.

It seems to be generally agreed now that these babies are going to hang around for the duration, so I am coming to terms with the reality of being pregnant with twins. And I feel the need to have a whinge. Please keep this in context – I do want these babies, and I know how lucky I am to have them. I have friends who have struggled, and still do struggle with infertility, and I really feel for them. But obviously, I don’t know what that is like.

My whinge is purely about the day to day reality of my situation. I’ve become a mouth breather, since my sense of smell is super sensitive, and my gag reflex is super strong. And I have trouble brushing my teeth because of said gag reflex. Sciatica, which plagued the end of my last pregnancy, has reared it’s head again, and the tiredness I feel is only exacerbated by the morning sickness medication I am on (which is barely helping – or maybe I am just way sicker this time).

I’ve lost almost six kilos in just over 3 weeks, which is a lot when you consider I didn’t really start spewing until this week. And my skin is so spotty and revolting, I look like I’ve been on a meth binge. And let’s no mention the waddle. aAll this before I have even hit 12 weeks!

Ok, enough whinging. I didn’t really blog about much of this stuff when I was pregnant with Inigo, so I don’t mind documenting it now – in case I forget!

So today Mark and I went to visit the obstetrician that was recommended to me by my midwife. He seems to have a sense of humour, and while he didn’t give me all the answers I wanted, he did seem reasonable, approachable, and not patronising.

So now we just have to decide if he’s worth $4000.

I promise this will be my only ever post about Masterchef. Apart from that other one, which doesn’t count.

A wee rant.

I can’t believe they dumped Marion. She was adorable, and I really wanted to buy her cookbook.

And I feel bad admitting that I have a soft spot for the bunny boiler, but I was really shocked when he go kicked off tonight.

So now my heart belongs to Alvin. And my right kneecap is quite fond of Adam. I like Jimmy, but I don’t think he can win the competition.

But please, bring back Marion.

PhD in Parenting has a list.

What would be on your list?

I think I would add –

1. Don’t give up on a relationship in those first difficult days. Unless there is abuse, and you really need to leave, stick it out. It will almost certainly get better, and there will be days you’ll really, really need each other. Having a baby can be like throwing a bomb into a relationship, and you will be at your weakest point when it explodes.

2. Sleep deprivation isn’t really that bad. It’s bad, but you can live through it.

3. Trust yourself. You are the world expert on your baby.

4. Watch the baby, don’t watch the clock. See point 3.

5. Prepare to succeed. Find out everything you can about parenting before you are a sleep deprived new parent. Especially breastfeeding. With good support and information, 9,999 out of 10,000 women can breastfeed.

6. You’ll probably fuck something up. Yell, when you thought you’d never yell, drop the baby, forget to pack nappies, whatever. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. There is such a thing as the “good enough parent”, and the “I’m trying really hard” parent. That is ok.

7. You don’t need a $2000 pram.

8. Face washers do a much better job of wiping up poo than those expensive single use baby wipes. Ikea sell packs of 10 for $8. Get 2 packs and thank me forever.

9. Two years might seem like an impossibly long time to breastfeed, but it’s not. Before you know it, it’s over, and your baby who can walk and talk and jump and crack jokes doesn’t need to breastfeed any more, and yet, he still seems so little, still such a baby. No-one can tell you how long is right for you and your baby, but understand that how you feel at three months might be miles from how you’ll feel at 18 months. Take your time to enjoy some of the ride.

10. Random shit just happens. Babies get sick, a pregnancy becomes twins, you bleed all over the place, and everything is ok. Sometimes, it really doesn’t feel ok, and you can’t imagine how anything can ever be ok again. But it will be, you will cope. And then one day you will look back and think, “Holy crap. I lived through that, and I am still here. I am awesome”.

Mama, where are those people going?

I think they are going to church.

Why are they going to church?

Well, some people believe in an omnipotent being that created the world and everything in it. So they go to church once a week to say thank you.

Hmmm. So after they say thank you to her, then they go home?

Yes, that’s about it.

Still two babies, two heartbeats.

Thanks for the positive vibes everyone! Now, please, can I have a quiet few weeks with no scariness?

Far out! Can I have a week without being scared to death?

Please keep everything crossed for me. Again.

That was the sound of my homebirth plans flying out the window.

Apparently my midwife isn’t comfortable doing a home delivery of twins after a c/s. Fair enough, but I am surprised. I did a little bit of research on twin homebirth, and I assumed that it would still be a possibility. Of course, I could choose another midwife, but I chose Robyn because I trust her not to take unnecessary risks – so I have to trust her on this too.

She has suggested that I choose an obstetrician, and has given me a few names. She thinks that if I want a chance to labour naturally, and want delayed cord clamping and skin to skin directly after the birth, then I have a much better chance with a private Ob than a hospital Ob (that may stick to established hospital policy and habit rather than what I want).

It’s funny, but I don’t mind spending $4,400 on a midwife, but $5,000 seems way too much for an obstetrician when I can have the babies for free in a public hospital. Maybe it’s just that I don’t mind paying to avoid hospital, but paying for something that should be free goes against the grain. It’s the socialist in me.

So another round of research, and phone calls, and decisions.

Please, can the scary news stop for a few days?

We spent today with a lovely friend who is mother to four beautiful children, the youngest two of which are twins. Ruby, you are a darling, and I can’t think of a better person to talk this through with.

The shock is wearing off, and the terror is easing. This is not something we planned, and while the chances are slightly increased with maternal age, it’s still “like being hit by lightning” (in the words of another wonderful friend).

Next week is all about getting information and making decisions. At this point, I don’t think there is any reason to change my birth choice, but obviously twin pregnancies come with increased risks, so we’re taking a wait and see approach.

And of course, waiting and seeing involves being “prepared” (whatever that means) for losing either one, or both of the babies. I don’t want to sound all doom and gloom, but my experience in the last few days have led me to places I never imagined, and now I have a whole lot more to lose.

So the pregnancy will be horrible (is already horrible, let’s face it), and the first three months will be incredibly difficult. And from then on it might slowly start to become more reasonable, until at some point, we’ll have three kids we love as much as we love Inigo. And that’s just a little bit more love than we thought we could cope with – but we’ll find a way.

That sound you don’t hear? The one where I’m not posting anything about yesterdays news?

Yup, that is the sound of shock and terror.

Mostly terror.

And yes.

Twins.